Self Contradiction

Justifying my own existence

When I was with my parents years ago, most of the time they would discuss about my education and my future. Often time though, they didn't realize it, that they were discouraging me. Even though I knew deep inside they wanted to encourage me. I hated myself for feeling this way.

I asked them once what they thought about when I told them that I had wanted to become a writer.

My father agreed wholeheartedly, stating it was great but the competition is vast. He went to all the technicalities, while my mother said I had almost no future in writing.

I knew what she meant at the time. She wanted me to be able to succeed in life. Both of my parents wanted was for me to be able to handle myself when they pass away.

I was given a unique opportunity to go to college for free at any state college.

The expectations for me were high. Really high.

Unlike most,(I'n not quite sure at this point if most people have failed or succeeded) I didn't make it.

The pressure became intense for me that I couldn't sleep and often times would wonder why I was placed in such a lucky predicament.

At the same time, I was conflicted about everything. I WAS lucky, yet I didn't seize the moment when I had the chance.

However, the only regret that I'll ever have is...

Still being unsure in what I want to be in life.