Self Contradiction

Flashback: Graduation

I didn't know how to feel about my graduation back then.

Even until now I'm still unsure on how to truly feel about the whole entire damn thing.

The only memorable parts were the speeches made by our principal.

I think he was.

Anyways, he told everyone that we took a risk in going to an online school.How brick and mortar was such a drag, even though he tried lacing it with wonderful words. Passive aggressive speech about how each student is going to fail and keep failing. How each one of us is going to be fucking miserable and we have to deal with it.

And it is. I have no regrets about it. It made me who I am..

That would explain why I sound so bitter most of the time.

Okay, scratch that out. That isn't entirely true.

In fact, school made me realize how much of a fucking weirdo I am. How much I couldn't agree with teachers that praised Pride and Prejudice. How I had to grit my teeth when our teacher had made us make a fanfiction about it.

I slammed my head on my desk for a long time that day.

How much insanity and drama and life was so complicating when really it shouldn't be. How money runs the world. How no matter how good a school is supposed to be, it never is. How more than half of my public school, private school, and whatever schooling I attended to, how half more than half of them won't graduate college. Or even attend college. Or their college degree won't save their life for crap.

He kept telling us all these sorts of things and I was surprised people clapped at that speech. Can't anyone see how backhanded he was?

No? Just me? Probably not.

Either that or no else cared much about it.

Nowhere in his speech did he say, follow your dreams.

How cliche.

Friends didn't make me feel better. In fact, it made it worse.

I feel, I told them, that school didn't prepare us for the real deal ahead. They shrugged and continued to chat happily about their college and exciting lives and nervousness and their stu-.

I really should stop.

Suffice to say, I cut all my friendships from high school. I couldn't live with the fact that none of them really cared about their life.

In fact, I remember when it was a friend of mine, she was really pretty and honor roll and what not, applied to a job. We both applied to it actually. I was

average. Nothing special.

But I got hired and she didn't.

This sent her on a spiral and she even questioned if I was so desperate to get a job or if I begged for them to hire me.

I didn't. I didn't even think I would get hired in the first place. I set my expectations to a certain degree and tried looking for another job.

She told me how unfair it was that she worked harder than me, that she would work harder than me if she got the job.

I told her to calm down.

I lied, I told her to f* off.

I told her, life is unfair but fair at times. I told her that she probably deserved a better job. I told her that she didn't know much about me, even when we've known each other for years. I told her so much stuff in a short span of time that she just huffed and walked away.

But lastly, I yelled and said, "LIFE IS FULL OF CONTRADICTIONS! NOTHING IS GUARANTEED TO LAST FOREVER!"

I didn't mind the weird look that people shot at my direction.

For the first time, I was happy that my point finally got proven correct.

And then it hit me.

I am such an a***hole.