Kile of Zumada

10. Blood on His Hands

They had to leave, now. Kile was able to squeak out a warning that Poredo usually moved in groups twice as big - they had friends and they could be back at any time.

Lija only asked him if this was the first time he had killed, and he nodded. She seemed to understand it was stressful, and left him to think.

'What the hell did you do?'

You said you wanted to help.

Kile sat on the cart, while Lija walked up front with the Longone. Kile just recalled her name was Shera.

'I didn't want to kill anyone! I don't want to destroy my neighbor's house!'

You didn't ask not to do that. The strength I give you comes from your will. You wanted your crops to grow back, but that's all you wanted.

'So it's a 'be careful what you wish for' kinda thing, huh?'

Only a fool would call my power a wish.

Kile lifted his head. He had noticed they had slowed down. He turned to look behind him and saw the bridge was well out of sight.

'Good,' he thought. 'We're safe.'

The real kicker, however, was that it had just seized his own body from him. It was still an experience he was trying to process. It didn't feel strange on its own, there was no magic seizing. His body just acted in ways he didn't tell it, and did things he didn't know it could. It was entirely possible that his very flesh could betray him, and at the moment it seemed like there was nothing he could do about it.

'And you can just control my body?'

Of course I can. We are bound to each other. That means your body is as much mine as my 'powers' are yours.

'I haven't even used your powers,' he grumbled.

Yes, you have. That's why you are so upset. Besides, even if you don't consider the things we made happen your responsibility, whose fault is it that you have not done anything else?

He no longer felt like arguing. Clearly, the Wildvoice had its own opinions. He wasn't going to convince it otherwise, especially not in this state. His mind desperately searched for anything else to think about, and it finally landed upon something:

"They're just sitting out there. We should have buried them," he whispered.

Lija stopped the cart and Shera and turned around to look at him.

"You said it yourself, there were probably more. We wouldn't have had time." Lija's words were stern at first, but a hint of compassion entered as she continued, "you're very stressed, and adrenaline is surging through you. Your thoughts are not your own."

Kile looked at his hands again. They weren't bloody, but they should be. They may have been Poredo, but they were still people. They still had mothers and fathers, friends, maybe spouses and siblings, even children.

The thought of making someone suffer the way he had when his father had died was more than he could bare.

The rest of the day felt like an eternity in a single moment. He watched as Shera and Lija ran themselves ragged to put as much distance between them and the bridge as they could, and as the sunlight turned to starlight.

"How are you feeling?" Lija asked.

Kile finally snapped out of his malasse, and looked at her.

"Lija...do your powers talk to you?" He asked straightly.

Lija looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "no. They don't."

He looked at his hands again. "Mine do. It's alive - it's a being. And when I killed those men, it took control of me and made me do it, and I couldn't stop it."

Lija frowned politely, "then you did not kill them."

"But I wanted to help," he said, "I wanted to do something."

"Did you choose how you helped?" She asked.

"No." He responded. "It...the voice, it asked me if I wanted to help you, I said yes, and it did that."

Lija looked at him with an intense gaze that drove into him like nails.

"Then you did not kill those men. Your power is responsible, not you," she assured.

"But it's my power. If I don't learn how to control i-"

"That's why you're here," she interrupted. "Though given how powerful it seems to be, I'm not entirely sure you can."

Kile's heart sank at that and he looked down. Lija seemed to realize what she had said wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"It is not because you're weak," she promised, "it's because this power is so great. I think...I think you were smart, to try and find a way to control it."

That, at least, warmed him up a bit.

"Right," he said. "Thank you."

Lija began to place rocks around in a circle to get started on the fire pit.

"I think your power may be different from what the Spires provide," she mused. "No one's ever been able to not control their power in the way you seem to be having trouble with, and their power controlling them is absolutely unheard of."

He nodded, "it's a good thought. Maybe my magic is different. But I'm not so sure."

Kile got out of the cart and began nailing in the posts for the tent.

Lija tilted her head, "why's that?"

Kile hammered in the last spike as he said, "I don't know, exactly. But when you used your own powers, I felt it? I think? It might be a different beast, but I think they're connected."

Lija scratched her chin for a moment, "if you think so. It's your power."

He finished putting the tent up, and he took in a breath. Something had finally caught his attention.

"Lija...have you ever killed anyone before?"

Lija looked at the firepit she had just finished constructing, and waved her hand. A bolt of flame erupted from her hand and struck the tinder, setting it ablaze.

"Go to sleep. You need rest. I'll take first watch." She insisted.

Kile decided not to press the issue further and to take her advice. He feel asleep, his dreams haunted by the faces of the men as they died.