Okay so, I'm still in shock about what happened in the last episode and there's literally no idea that I could possibly write here but... anyway this is my version of 19x06
Tears uncontrollably leaving Meredith's eyes as she watches the Station 19 firefighter try to put out the fire.Memories with all the people she loved were burned along with the house but never in her mind nor her heart.
With hee parents,Ellis and Thatcher.Izzie and George,their intern year.Cristina and Alex.When the love of her life, Derek moved in with her.Jo when she was with Alex, Arizona when she has nowhere to go to.Their party after passing their boards.Doc her dog.Kids with Andrew in the kitchen sorting their candies from trick or treat.The lots and lots of sex she had around the house with whomever she's done it with.The happy moments with the kids, her friends...the house she grew up in was burned down along with their furnitures inside,those material which has a sentimental value.Derek's ferry boat scrub cap, Derek's favourite blanket, Meredith's Catherine Fox Award,but luckily Maggie and Winston able to save the post-it.
A warm presence suddenly pressed against her back,she didn't need to turn around,she already knew who it was.
"I'm sorry," Nick whispered so softly as he slightly caressed her shoulder, thought it might somehow relax her tense body
"How's our patient?" she asked, still concerned about her patient since she walked out in the middle of the surgery
"She gets to write more books,I say" a smile formed on his lips as he lightly pressed a kiss on top of her head.
"That's good, that's good" was all she can say as she can feel her knees were about to give up,they feel like they were jello and she couldn't seem to stand straight
"How are the kids?" he asked as he looked around and they seemed to be nowhere to be found.
"Maggie and Winston took them to their house...and I'm still waiting for Herrera for some update" she answered,as she again took another deep breath, another tear left her eyes.
"You're staying with them?" he asked,a clenched on his chest once the thought of them leaving Seattle once again creep into his mind
"Yeah, Maggie insisted since the kids left some of their clothes there when they had a sleepover" Meredith answered,as she was slowly relaxing against him
After some-how-more moments,Andy Herrera came running towards to where Meredith and the kids are standing.
She explained everything to them as Meredith and Nick listened very carefully.Andy explained how this couldn't have been avoided nor could they prevent it.
"I'm really sorry De Grey but the fire spread too fast and we could only save few of your furnitures but almost all of it were all burned" Andy once again said, sincerity visible in her eyes
"Thank you, Herrera" Meredith tried to force a smile, failing misserably.
She's been tearing up since she pulled up hwr mind car in the middle of the road,but she couldn't sob or cry out loud in front of those people — her kids.
She has to stay strong in front and behind the back of her kids.But Nick still standing behind her, somehow gave her the strength to cry against his chest, wetting his scrubs.
He didn't know what to say either,so he just held her there, not caring one but about the people who can see them.
•••
"
Were you going to tell me?" Nick began, they're sitting in her car for about 20 minutes now since Meredith had calmed down "Or you were really planning on telling me...but through email,why because you can see how I'd react? or you don't want to —"
"I was... I was going to tell you, Nick" she interrupted him, locking eyes with him for the first time this evening
"When? when Meredith" he asked back,a wave of pain came into him as if his inside is ocean —his emotions just going back and forth to worry from mad,worry,mad and so on. But the feeling of him being in love with Meredith, has never left.
"After I accepted Jackson's offer,the day we came back from Boston. You're the first person I wanted to tell because I thought out of all people you would understand..." she said to him, somehow feeling guilty for raising her voice a little "you were the one who told me that I've spent my entire adult life in one place.." she continued, remembering the night she pushed him away and told him to go back to Minnesota, which was almost seven months ago "I am trying to move forward Nick... with my kids,my life... with you" she added, sincerity once again drawn on her face
Silence again invaded the car, their breathing and the air conditioning humming were the only sound occupying the car.
"You're part of my life now too, Meredith" he spoke so softly,and hearing those words kinda sent a slight of relief in Meredith's chest.
Her burned house and furniture wasn't the only one that's keeping her breathing uneven since she heard the news from Richard.But also the thought of Nick breaking up with her or leaving her just because she chose to make a decision without discussing it with him first.
"As I told you before... it's your life..as much as I want to share it with you," he continued,but left his words hanging
"There's a but in your sentence, Nick" she seemed to felt how he was hesitating wether to continue his sentence
"Why didn't you just tell me about the offer soon after you received it?"
"Truth..." she looked at him, meeting his eyes again "at that moment, when Jackson offered me the job...all I could think about was Zola and how moving into another state would be great for her" she admitted,not feeling guilty a single bit at all cause she's telling the truth.
"And when she told me how nice their program and students are...I didn't hesitate and texted Jackson right away...she was genuinely smiling for the first time since her episode started..the glow in her eyes I haven't seen for so long..." he went silent, hearing her explanation, now he's the one who can't talk
"So I'm sorry, Nick. That I prioritized my daughter before you..." her words suddenly snapped as another tear left her eyes,as if she's been trying to hold back her anger the whole entire time since he spoke when they got into the car.
What do you think??=)
