beach//reece bibby

21.4.17

I knew I cared and I knew Reece didn't, but my sore heart and overtired brain were trying to convince me he did care, especially since he's practically called every hour since I left him alone in the cafe.

I saw his messages, his apologies, attempts of manipulation and statements about how it wasn't a love mark. My erratic thumbs hovered over the keyboard, thinking of something to say, but quite frankly I didn't have the energy to do so. I clipped Matcha's floral lead to her collar and decided to take her down to the beach, or thereabouts depending if I saw him perched upon the cliff

I walk down the garden path and to the gate by our street when my eyes caught ahold of his. We both mirrored one another and paused in our tracks, it was as if all the air had escaped my lungs and my brain had lost connection with every part of my body, I didn't know what to do. Matcha instantly recognised him and I wanted to punish her for being so friendly sometimes, she tugged ferociously at her lead, little yelps escaped her mouth too, if only she knew what Reece was capable of.

"I figured if you were ignoring my calls and messages, you couldn't ignore me if I showed up at your house." Reece spoke solemnly. It was bad but I wanted to run into his arms and have him cradle me and make me feel warm on this cool evening. He was all I had in some aspects.
I always found it so bizarre how we both knew when each other would be at the beach, it's as if a radar would go off in our heads and let us know the other one was there. Just like now, if I left five minutes earlier, I wouldn't have coincided with him, but somehow we both knew.

"I-" I started but really had no idea what to say to him, I hadn't expected this sort of encounter and hadn't worked out my emotions, all I knew is that I was numb from this and trying to forget and move past this was no longer an option.

"You don't have to say anything Shy, I need to do the explaining," he spoke and I weekly nodded, he was right.

"So something did happen," I asked him but he looked at the floor.

"Can I come in?" he asked, looking back up at me. I didn't want to welcome him into my home, I knew I'd be comfortable in my own home and I'd instantly let his words soothe out the wounds he had given me.

"I was just going to the beach," I spoke and I saw his mouth go into an 'O' shape. I began walking closer to him, hoping to walk past him and just leave him there, but like magnets, he walked next to me. I watched our feet and how we'd step together, how Reece would scuff his shoes along the pavement, his beloved Chelsea boots were coated in scuff marks and cuts, somehow I imagined my heart looking a little similar to this.

"you have to believe me when I say, I had no idea how that mark got there Shiloh. You saw yesterday, it was blowing a gale, who says the mark wasn't the label from my scarf or something?" he sighed, his head too was down and focused on our footsteps. I say the mark wasn't from his scarf. The image of the mark was constantly flashing up in my head like an alert and it was more bruised looking than just a red mark on his neck. I didn't tell him this, I remained mute.

"I wish I had a camera or something to show you what I got up to back home, but are we really going to ruin everything over a mark on my neck?" he said, stopping in his tracks and looking at me with puppy dog eyes. I looked over at him and this mark had miraculously disappeared which made my argument less valid. I was in some sort of disbelief that maybe I had just imagined the whole thing yesterday, perhaps my mind had been playing tricks on me, but I was almost adamant.

"it's gone" I spoke under my breath and Reece looked at me, trying to stop the smile from escaping his lips.

"Shiloh," he breathed just shaking his head as if this was some deranged dream and I had the role of the villain, ruining everything good in her life.
I couldn't stop my hand from tracing over his neck and where the mark was yesterday, just trying to figure it out.

"why would I do that to you?" he asked shaking his head at me.

"I've dealt with it in the past, I just expect the worse" I sighed, my hand on his shoulder, I had to hold myself back from not burying my head in his black knitted jumper which I knew would smell of cinnamon and burnt wood, his signature scent.

"I've missed you," he whispered into me, closing the gap between us, his hands stroking my back in a calming motion.
I hummed into his chest, focusing on my breathing and trying not to get myself so worked up on the little things.

"I still feel mad at you, but maybe I'm just mad at myself for being mad at you. Reece I was so sure-" I began looking up at him, his hands moved the hair from my face as he kissed the top of my forehead.

"Just because I'm some crazy rockstar now, doesn't mean I get girls everywhere I go," he teased but I wanted to stamp on his foot at that sort of comment, I wasn't done being upset about this situation. Although I wasn't mad at him anymore, I didn't want to let him off that easily, I know what I saw and I'm processing in my head what had happened.

"Even if I did get all the girls, the only one I'd want is you, front row at every single one of my shows." he beamed at me, his eyes glistening under the harsh street light.