my aeipathy: a collection of writing pieces

haunting

day by day you haunt my heart
my brain makes sense of these feelings
or so i believe and then all of sudden my stomach is turning and i don't know what to think or who to trust
its been so long i know this has to be more than just an infatuation yet for some reason i doubt my feelings everyday cause when someone else comes around you are a mere thought fading in existence
then they leave cause they always do and boom.
back in my brain you go
dominating my thoughts haunting my heart and your presence begins to near in an almost eery way despite you being so far
it isn't fair and i hate that you have this power over me
i am my own person yet you could say anything and i would listen
its toxic just like you and i know the consequences but they're so appealing
and you're just like all the rest you left so long ago even when you geographically were so near
it started when we were so young and part of me wonders if thats the reason i can't escape you haunting my heart
everyone tells me you're a terrible person and i know you are and then you say my name
and thats all it takes
im all yours
and im all ears
but all you say is hello and walk away as i wonder what will it take to get the answers i deserve but no
i don't need closure i just need you to stay out of my life
but somehow i can't make it a day without you popping up
and i begin to wonder is this what it feels like for you
when you're parents named your sister the same name as me but born 8 years after you're crush began
did they know
does it still torment you with thoughts of me
or do you not care
are you as unbothered as a 2 year old playing in the rain
and did it ever end?
if so tell me when
cause how long is it before a crush becomes so much more
yet at such a young age i doubt it was ever love but who knows cause i can't even tell if it went both ways
so please don't leave
i know i should let you go but i need so many answers or so i tell myself
reality is everyone else left and i just don't want to let you go
is that so wrong? or must i move on and let you do the same?
hi.
i hope you're doing well and i hope life treats you swell
can you please stop haunting my heart and let me go? i don't want you to leave because to be honest i want to be the one to let go
i don't want you to leave because reality is you already left 2 years ago
i dont want you to leave because i can't read you yet and i dont know how to tell you i actually want more
but if i must say goodbye i leave with one request.
please stop haunting my heart
its my senior year and i want to have fun but you left your mark
its as if all the boys at school have read it and it says go away
i need a distraction who can turn into something more or get me to a point where you no longer have control
set me free i plead
but you have no say in the way you haunt my heart
it is not your doing but my own
and everyday i try to find a way to let myself go
i tried pulling closer to see if you would loosen your grip yet it tightens the second my brain even hesitates
i can't cut you off it feels to cruel yet here i am asking you to stay so i can be the one to go
is it so wrong of me to want that closure?
is it so wrong of me to plead with you to not haunt my heart?
my soul is drying up i have nothing left to give
my attempt to build a connection has passed and failed as yet again its you who leaves
yet as you leave per usual you leave me with enough of you to reside in my heart haunting away
i know my worth but for some reason the sound of your voice saying my name will stop me in an instance
and for some reason i know you aren't worth my time or even my thoughts yet here i sit writing all this just trying to find a way to get rid of the ghost of you thats haunting my heart