I cannot, for the life of me, stop thinking about someone very close to me and how she left me to "sort out her life." I mean I respect that and I know she's just confused but I cant help but wonder if it's just because I'm too clingy or maybe I gross her out. I'm not exactly the prettiest girl in school... My whole life I've just wanted the people close to me to be happy, whether I was or not, but it's getting harder for me to feel that way. No one has really ever done that for me and ive always been pushed around my whole life. even if someone didn't mean to, they pushed me around. I'm just such a fucking pushover, no one bothers to think of how I feel about the things they do. I just politely agree to everything people say. It's easier than arguing or starting me a conversation about something I don't care about. It's just emotionally exhausting knowing that you have no confident and exactly zero self esteem and having to get up every morning and face that fact That today, another marker will be thrown at you and when the same person who threw it last week says "sorry" you say "it's fine" when really you wanna yell "JESUS CHRIST THIS HAPPENS EVERY WEEK, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND ACT LIKE YOU ACTUALLY BELONG IN 7th GRADE AND NOT 1st!"
God, and people wonder why I get depressed, they fucking step on me and don't even realize because I'm not important enough or popular enough to care about. Well, at least I have wattpad to tell my friends for me. I wouldn't be able to face anyone, not even my besties, if I told them my feelings to their face.
