Secrets of Love

We Need To Talk

"Honey, you need to go talk to your husband." Lexi said rubbing my back as a kneeled with my head in the toilet.

"I know." I got up to brush my teeth for the fifth time that morning. "I'm scared."

"It'll be okay, Cam. Nothing will ever get solved if you two don't talk. Avoiding it clearly isn't helping."

"Telling him I'm pregnant and I don't know if it's his isn't going to help either." I crawled into her bed and laid my head on a pillow.

"Are you sure you aren't going to church today? I think it might be a good idea for you to go."

I really didn't feel like going, especially with everything that was going on. It seemed as if when things got hard I started to run away from God instead of running to him. I didn't know how many times I had driven towards my house to go talk to Bran and would keep driving. I picked up the phone to draft a text or started to call only to put my phone down. It didn't help that Jayson was constantly blowing up my phone. I felt bad because in the end I strung him along. I never had intentions on leaving Bran for him, but then again I never had any intentions of really starting a relationship with Jayson either.

I had strong feelings for Jayson, but I loved my husband. I thought I loved my husband, maybe I wasn't even really sure what love was. It was like I was addicted to Jayson. Bottom line was I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I wanted to say life wasn't fair, but that's reality and cop out on my end. Truth was I made bad decisions that hurt the people I love the most, including Tink.

When I say that Brandon was keeping me away from her he meant it. Although I was hurt, I kind of understood where he was coming from. He was never really given the opportunity to grieve Sunny's death because he was trying to keep me from killing myself. I'm sure having Peyton get injured like that made him want to protect her even more.

I shook my head at all of the thoughts that were running through my head.

"What's wrong?" Lex asked slipping on a navy blue skirt over her hips.

"I messed up and I don't know how to fix it."

"Get showered and get dressed. You're going to church. No point in sitting here wallowing in pity."

Of course we were late because I'm slow
And move like Timmy turtle. We got there and Morgan had saved us seats. We were listening to the choir sing and taking in the atmosphere. I was uncomfortable and even though I was there physically, mentally I was somewhere else. I had zoned out for a little bit once I spotted Bran. We made brief eye contact and he turned back towards the front.

"Turn to your neighbor and say, 'neighbor, I've got issues'." Zay gave the title of his sermon from the pulpit.

"Ha! More than I care to admit." I said after I turned from my random neighbor. Because Morgan took Lexi from me.

"The lady with the issue of blood tried everything and everyone to get a cure, but nothing worked. The problem was that she was trying to fix it herself. For twelve years she fought with this issue. Some of us can't deal with an issue for twelve minutes before we have a breakdown and give up."

"Truth!" Lexi said shaking her head.

"While your issue may not be blood, it may be lying, stealing, adultery, broken home, kids, trouble at work, fornication, lack of faith. We all have something that we are dealing with. Some of the issues that we deal with we have brought them on ourselves, but instead of asking God to help us we ask everybody else. When nothing else works, we're like "oh yeah, God let me holla at you for a minute."

I listened intently to his message because I knew that it was for me. I felt as if he was speaking directly to me. I listened to the words that he was speaking as if they were giving me life. It wasn't long before he was to the end of his sermon.