Secrets of Love

I'm Not

I'm sure I slept off and on for what seemed forever. I woke up to Bran snoring on the other side of me with his mouth open. His legs had me trapped so I had to push him off of me. I used the bathroom and popped a pill so that I could crawl back into the bed.

"Morning." He mumbled with his arm over his face.

"Morning." I said pulling the covers over my head.

"I'm going to get breakfast. Daniel sent Tiana up here to let us know that he cooked." He went into the bathroom.

"I'm. Not. Hungry. I wish yall would stop asking me about food."

"You're making yourself sick and you're done with these." He held up the box of sleeping pills.

I shrugged my shoulders because it wasn't like I couldn't go get more. Plus, I had another box in my purse. They were helping me sleep. I just wanted to sleep. I didn't see why that bothered people so much. I had just fallen asleep when Bran came in the room with food.

"Sit up, Cam. I need you to eat something." He pulled me up into a sitting position and tried to feed me pancakes. "Open up. Please?"

I opened my mouth slightly so that he could feed me. I took all of two bites before I told him that I wanted to sleep. He was being patient, but getting frustrated with me at the same time. I wouldn't have wished how I felt on my worst enemy.

I woke up to find the house practically empty. The only person that was there was Morgan. They felt like I needed a babysitter. While I was sleeping they went and removed every pill they thought I had access to. There really weren't any knives in the kitchen either. It's like they suicide proofed the house.

"Hey, Cam. Everyone just wanted to get out of the house. Brandon said he was going to meet Derrick because Pey had a bad day today. You need anything?"

"No." I shook my head and went to the family room and watched a blank TV.

"Cam, Lex will be here at 7 to help you with your hair." Morgan said coming in the family room with a plate of food. "Here you go." She pushed the plate towards me.

"I'm not hungry, Morgan. Why do I have to keep telling yall the same damn thing over and over again?" I yelled and stormed from the room.

I threw my hair in a ponytail as I walked upstairs to get my keys. I couldn't find them. I emptied my purse and they weren't there. Even my little stash of pills were gone. I tore my room up looking for them. I went downstairs. I looked to see Morgan watching me with a concerned look on her face.

"Where are my keys?" I asked her closing my eyes so I wouldn't go off on her.

"Where'd you need to go? I can take you." She said putting dishes in the dishwasher.

"I just want my--never mind." I said and turned around and walked right out of the door.

"Cam, come back." She yelled after me, but I never turned around.

I didn't have my phone and it was hot as hell walking around. I didn't even know where I was going. I didn't get far when a car passed me and came back following me until it stopped. I didn't turn around until I heard the door close.

"Cam, where are you going dressed like that, walking?" Jus asked me walking up to me.

I had on some small shorts and a tank top with some flip flops on. The hair tie snapped so my hair was all over my head. I guess the only saving grace was that I actually had a bra on. I didn't care though I just needed to get away.

"I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders. "I need to breathe."

"Okay. We'll walk together, okay?" I bit my lip and shook my head really fast. "I'm going to tell Danny to take the kids to the house."

She ran to the car and came back and grabbed my hand and we walked. While we were walking there was a lady walking with a stroller and I felt myself drifting towards her.

"Cammy, what are you doing?" Jus asked from behind me.

"Hi. Do you mind?" I asked walking up to the lady.

"No. Go ahead." She pulled the sun protector back and let me see the baby.

It was a beautiful baby girl that had the deepest dimples. Her eyes were hazel and she had on a little sundress. I put my hand out and she grasped my fingers and tried to put them in her mouth.

"She's gorgeous. What's her name?" I asked smiling at the baby.

"Thank you. Her name is Sanaa." The mother told me and it felt like she was trying to push the stroller.

"Cam, we should go now." Jus said tapping me.

"How old is she?"

"She just turned five months today." She said and I turned to look at her with my head tilted and her smile went away. "Did I say something?" She looked between me and Jus.

"No." Jus said. "Thanks for letting us see your baby." Jus grabbed me and pulled me away from the stroller.

"Jus-"

"I know. Let's get you home." She grabbed my hand and we headed in the opposite direction going back towards the house. Every so often I would look back as the lady pushed the baby in the opposite direction.

"But she's taking her away again."

"That's not Aniya, Camille. Come on, honey. You need to get some rest."

"But, Jus she-"

"Camille, that wasn't your baby. We're going to get through this okay? Just like we always do."

Once I got home I showered and went to sleep. I woke up and it was dark out. I went downstairs and it was just family again. Thankfully. They were trying not to give me pity stares, but they were failing. I walked over to Bran and sat in his lap. He kissed me and held me in his arms.

"I love you, Camille." He said in my ear.

"I love you, too, Brandon."

After a few minutes he tapped my legs so that he could get up. Lexi walked in and sat next to me.

"You ready?" She asked referring to my hair.

"You don't need to do my hair because I'm not going." I said never taking my eyes off of the TV.

"Cam, don't do this. You need closure. You opted not to do a viewing so you need this." She said turning to face me.

"Yep. Still not going." I got up and left her there going back to my room.

Every person came to that room trying to convince me that I needed to go. I wasn't hearing it and I had made my mind up that I wouldn't step foot inside of that church. I was sitting on the floor putting my yarn into balls when Brandon walked in and slammed the door.

"Camille, the family car will be here at a quarter to 11 and you better be up and ready or were going to have a problem."

I looked at him and continued rolling my yarn as if he never said a word.

"You're not the only one that's hurting, we all are. Cam, it's okay to grieve, it's okay to cry. We're going to get through this. You can't ignore this and just hope it'll go away. We have to say goodbye."

"I'm not going."

"You're going, even if I have to dress you myself."

*************************************************

Okay guys. I know yall, but I really need you all to understand what she's going through. Cam isn't grieving and it's affecting everyone around her. What are you thinking?

As always thanks for reading.