You're not alone

Different love

Today I woke up and I was feeling sick, I had nausea and tendancy to vomit. I decided to stay at home for today and see how the things will go. Right now I'm just laying on my bed and I am trying to figure out what are my actual feelings for Yuto. I asked my friend after he left from my house and she said that I might have a crush on him.

By the way a quick question, why does have to be different having a crush on somebody than loving somebody? It's the same situation, just having crush goes first and after loving somebody. But some people have a crush on someone without even know them, how is that even possible, appearance is just one of the three parts of having a crush. In my mind is like this, but to be honest I am not a professional to talk about it.

Anyway back to where I was talking, my best friend told me that I might have a crush on Yuto which is completely wrong. How could I like my friend. I have friendzoned him since the day we met, that easy. THEN WHY AM I BEING LIKE THIS!? Jeez, puberty is really complicated..

Ok then, time to start taking care of myself. I get up from my bed going to the kitchen to make a ginger tea and after I am gonna watch something on Netflix 'cause why not. I remember when my mother was making tea when I was sick. She always used to make tea for every single illness I had or she had.

Yeah sometimes I miss my mother but I cannot show it. It's probably more like "I have used to hide my feelings". When she died I remember when I saw my father that day. I didn't expect him to be there to be honest, I thought he didn't had the guts to come and look at me in the eyes while my mother was gone. He was never a father to me and nobody can change that. In all my childhood my mother was there for me but my father had to take care his "beloved ill cousins". When my parents divorced I was sad not because of what I felt, but because that's what everyone would feel. I think I have forgotten something- HOLY FUCK, THE WATER!!!

**Time skip five minutes**

Ooff.... I didn't see that coming... I would rather my house to get burnt... That's what I hate when I remember the past! Well I can say that sometimes is good to remember good times but after some seconds you remember that they're over, that's what's happening to me every time.

I'm sitting on the sofa and I'm "watching" "Komi can't communicate". I remember Yuto telling me about these series, he likes the art style and the way they made Komi so beautiful without even putting too much stuff on her appearance. But at this point I don't care about these series, I only care about our conversations about everything. I'm also thinking what is he doing now? I think he might be sitting alone and sketching or something. I don't care, to be honest, but on the other hand I would like to see what he is sketching or talk about some manga and say our likes and dislikes. I would love to see every reaction of his when I tease him and I would love to see everything he does to not sound idiot to me while he doesn't.

I feel like I'm simping... Nah, it's not. I need to focus on some other things more complicated than him, like my math test or my best friend's problem with her boyfriend or..... Him.....?

*Time skip to afternoon**

Ughhhh, I'm so bored!!! There's nothing to do alone, there's nothing fun to do right now, I can't even draw!!! What the actual fuck!? If I could just hear my phone ringin-

**RING**

UNIVERSE I LOVE YOU!!!

- YES!?

~ Oh... Good afternoon Himari, are you ok?..~

- Not actually, I'm kinda sick and bored as hell!!!

~ I see you've got a lot of energy huh?~

I hear a soft laugher from him and I feel my heart fly away from her place. A small grin appears on my face and I cannot hide it

~ Can I come over? And give you your homework?~

- As you're telling me I've got too much energy then I have to tell you that you have too much of courage haha

~ W-WHY COURAGE..? I J-JUST WANTED TO G-GIVE Y-YOU YOUR HOMEWORK...!~

- ..... Can you come over now? Please?

~ Y-YES!.~

He hangs up his phone, he still is too innocent damnit, sometimes is just annoying... Anyway, as long as I will see him then I don't care about it, I can just ignore it. I'm so excited.... Why is that though???

**7:35pm**

HE IS HERE, I HEARD THE DOOR, TIME TO CHECK, IS THIS LOVE OR NOT??

- Oh hi Yuto!

- Hello there Himari, are you feeling better?

- As long as you are here, then I am.

- Oh stop it I'm just trying to help you. Plus I wanted to see you also..

- Really?

- Well yes... Since the day I opened up to you I feel more and more excited to see you and today I got scared that I didn't see you!

- You... You mean it?..

- Yes... You are very special to me, even though we met a month ago hehe

- Less than a month...

- But still, I care about you, like I know you for years and I want you to remember that... I'm not saying this often ahaha

I feel my cheeks red and my temperature is to the heavens, I feel like I can fly and I will explode in the skies like a firework. I feel loved by him, I feel that it is a different affection and a different feeling which is different to each person.
It's love

- Can I hug you...? Please can I...?

- What are you waiting for?

He giggles and I go closer to him. I feel his arms around me and wrap my arms around him too. I hear his heart beats and it sounds like a beautiful melody. I feel his breath on my forehead and it warms me up.

Yes, I knew it, that's a different feeling, that's love. My best friend was right and I am confused about all this. Yes it's love but not like my love for my mom or my best friend or sketching. It's a level up from "like" to "love". Yes it's love and I know that it is just a complicated feeling for everyone but not for me

Yes, it's a different love