A Lily Among Thorns

𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙿𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙵𝙾𝚁𝚃𝚈-𝙵𝙾𝚄𝚁

✞ J U L I A N   W E S T B R O O K ✞

Julian clenches his fists as he cringes at the sound of Celai's muffled crying behind the closed door.

Not wanting to bear the heart wrenching noise any longer, he walks away from the door. He being disappointed is an understatement for how he's feeling. He was never mad at Celai and yet, he was treating her like something on the bottom of his shoe.

He could admit he was upset and she had figured out the reason why, but hearing it be said out loud embarrassed him. So he was ashamed and as a result, he turned his back on Celai.

It was more than a stupid decision.

And because of his stupid decision, Celai was crying. He can't blame it on a misunderstanding or some other person either. Celai is crying solely because Julian made her cry.

He only thought about himself and he was paying the consequences. If he could go back, he would, but he can't, so he just needs to get his head on straight. As much as he wants to comfort her, he knows the only one that can is God, and Julian needs to rely on Him to do that.

At the same time, he needs to rely on God to help him find a deeper meaning because after hearing her cry because of him, saying he turned away from her because he was ashamed isn't enough.

Julian retreats to his room and gently closes the door behind him. Then, he drops to his knees, clasps his hands together, and does what he knows best:

"Father God, I need Your help and strength. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why did I do that to her? I never want to hurt her and yet I did. Lord, what can You equip me with to fix this?" he questions.

"This isn't for you to fix."

Julian is shocked to hear God respond so clearly but he keeps the conversation going. "What can I do then? I don't want Celai to think the worst."

"Wait."

"For how long?" Julian sits in silence and after a minute, he asks again, believing he missed what the Lord said. "How long do I have to wait, God?"

He waits longer this time to hear from Him. His knees and legs are sore by the time he comes to the realization that God isn't going to tell him any more information.

Frustrated, Julian stands up from his prayer stance. He doesn't know if he has to wait hours, days, or weeks. And if he knows Celai at all, she won't sit around; she's probably on her way out the door as he sits in frustration.

He huffs. Julian knows he has to do something. But he can't do what he wants to. So to accommodate, he grabs his Bible and sits down on his bed. He opens it to a random page and rubs his hand down his face and chuckles at the verse he landed on.

Hosea 12:6 "But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice, and wait for your God always."

"I hear You, Lord, but she's in the other room crying. I'm just supposed to listen to that? It's tearing me up inside having to wait," Julian says. He reads the verse over again, knowing he isn't going to get anywhere until his heart confesses.

He lowers his voice. "Why am I so mad over Joyner and Celai's relationship? It was worldly."

He sits in silence, his mind inevitably drifting to Celai and Joyner's relationship and he starts to get convicted. It takes him a minute, but by the grace of God, it's revealed to him that he's filled with jealousy.