Dear George

15

Adriana,

I'm so sorry. I feel like an actual idiot right now and there's nothing I could do anymore.

There's nothing I can do to get you back. There's nothing I can do to justify my past actions. I hope that one day you find it in your heart to forgive me.

You were the only person to understand that I loved my job. You're the only person I know that would actually defend me with their entire life. You didn't lose anything while I lost the best person in my life.

I know I never say it but I do actually love you Iana, I have always loved you. I'm sorry I called your letters dumb. I have all of them individually hung on the wall. Well I have the positive ones hung on the wall but I kept the negative ones in my safe. Your letters were the light of my day. I could be having the worst day of my life but then I see that letter in my mailbox and I couldn't help but smile.

I'm sorry if the gifts weren't enough, I didn't know how to tell you I loved you. I can't physically touch you because we weren't living together and weren't seeing each other often. I couldn't constantly call or text you during the day because I had to do something or take a break. That was my biggest mistake honestly, not calling you during my breaks. I was just so exhausted that I would fall asleep almost instantly.

I'll admit that I did miss you most days. But I'd constantly remind myself that I need to get work done because you wanted to go out that weekend or your schedule was clear in a couple days. I didn't know you were cancelling meetings. I guess we didn't communicate properly. You cancelled meetings when I asked if you were free while I worked a whole lot to make sure I was free that day.

You always admired my pink cheeks while I admired your soft hands and your dark brown eyes. You stare at my cheeks way too much to even notice I'm staring at your eyes.

I'm really sorry if you felt like I didn't love you. I love you so much and I expressed it with gifts. I guess that wasn't something that made you feel the love but I tried to put an effort.

I just wish you were right next to me right now. I would do anything to be with you again. I know you won't but I just can't help but regret everything I've done to you.

I'm sorry for arguing with you about your pregnancy. I shouldn't have taken out every bit of my stress out on it. I know you were going through a really hard time and I just made it harder for you. Before I knew it, you had blocked me on everything and I couldn't even contact Niki or Wilbur.

The truth is I was stressing over it but you were too. I tried to think of other reasons to try and explain how this was something I wasn't happy with but it came out horribly. Believe me, I was so willing to help you out with everything but you broke up with me on the spot so I couldn't do anything about it.

I would fight anyone that says something about you, but I'm not ever gonna fight you with anything you say. You mean the entire world to me. I would go as far to say that I'd rather cut every limb of my body to make sure you weren't hurt. You wouldn't believe me with the way I acted because I was acting like such a child.

I'm currently sitting at home with our child sleeping behind me. You weren't awake when the doctors asked me what I wanted to name our daughter so I named her Iana. I hope you like the name because it's the nickname I gave you.

Yes, I was there. Niki called me when you went into labor and I immediately rushed to the hospital. I guess you didn't see me because I wasn't showing myself. I arrived to the hospital while you were in the middle of pushing so I just waited outside of the delivery room for you to finish.

She's been really obedient and she looks exactly like you. It's weird because people always say the first daughter always looks like the female version of her father yet it came out to become a mini you.

She's so beautiful and I promise to take care of her forever. You know she likes reading? She likes reading your old favorite childhood books. I hope you don't mind that I gave her all your childhood books, she loves them all so much.

She's also really good at spelling. I find that really admirable about her considering you are also like that. I showed her the notes hung on the wall and told her that her mother wrote it and she started sending letters to me now as well. I hang them all in the fridge in my house.

Every time she sees your pictures in my office, she always says she misses you. She always says that her mother looks like a Queen and I was the King while she was our little princess. I'm definitely not opposed to that. She is really into wearing princess dresses and recently started putting on those little kids make up. She even put them on me all the time.

Enough about Ia, yes that's my nickname for her now, I wanted to talk about something else. I learned my lessons from our past and thought that Ia could be like you. I spoiled her quite a lot but I'm also being very present in her life. I see you in Ia and I'm doing what I should've done to you with her. She and I would cuddle on bad days, watched movies from Disney, and I learned how to cook for her. I know you said you wanted me to learn how to cook so I did now.

Are you proud of me? I could only hope you are. I would do anything to see you again, my love.

It's been 2 years and I miss you so much.

I wish your body was strong enough to give birth and you didn't die delivering Iana.

I know you really wanted to be the best mom you could ever be with her.

Love, your George <3