Dream of Life

I Am the Money

(chapter written by blackcharcoal!)

Connor Murphy most certainly did not want a second chance at life. He didn't want to try again. So, could you blame him for slamming the lever on that machine down, as if it would break and get him out of this mess?

It didn't break. Instead, everything was flooded in a sunny yellow, and suddenly, everything was filled with pictures. Of course, there wasn't a single picture without Zoe. He wondered how Larry and Cynthia would feel, hearing that Zoe dreamed of being a hooker and dying of typhoid, ruined, and all Connor's head was filled with was cotton-candy romance, romance that it wasn't safe to express. Not for him.

Well, no, that wasn't true. There were some pictures, some he did not want Zoe to see. Pictures with Miguel Herrara.

"Meet the other half of the Murphy twins, Connor Andrew Murphy. From a young age, Connor and Zoe were inseparable. Born fifteen minutes before Zoe, Connor was protective. But he always had a short temper, and from the time he threw a printer at their second grade teacher, people deemed Connor as bad. His parents ignored him, in favor of Zoe, and he retreated into his anger. As his mental health grew worse, so did his outbursts. He grew distant from Zoe, and lost friends he may have had. Well, except for one: a kid in Toronto named Miguel. The one person in his life wasn't enough to keep Connor afloat, or to keep him from his intrusive thoughts, or his episodes of not knowing who he is as a person. Eventually, his parents gave up on trying to make Connor better, resorting to shouting at him, screaming that he needs to be better. Connor Murphy turned to the socially acceptable outlets for young men: drugs, partying, and autotuned hip hop music. That's how Connor Murphy became the angriest boy in town." The spotlight turned to Connor, who, to the surprise of everyone else, had a grin on his face. That grin quickly faded into his usual scowl, however, and he glared at everyone.

"I want to talk about feelings! " Connor shouted, attracting all the kids. "Everyone says I have one emotion: fury: Everyone would be wrong! I have two: fury, and romance. Look, everyone's always talking shit about me, and maybe some of it is deserved. But that's only because they don't know about my rapper alter ego! I am Bad Egg on Soundcloud and Youtube, and I'm the best rapper in all of Sasketchwan!" Jared blinked a few times.

"That's actually where I met my best - my... boyfriend. Miguel. He left me comments on my music! He's from the United States, actually! From somewhere called Sacramento. But, anyways, his comments... were mostly positive. Things escalated, and well... we became lovers! Yes, me and Miguel had plans... plans for what we'd do when I got ut of this hell hole of a town." The way Connor winked did not go unnoticed.

"Oh, gross! " That came from Zoe, and Connor gave his sister a blank stare.

"Zo, I had to play a part in your little hooker fantasy - so glad I wasn't the main part, but disgusting! - you can stand the implications that I would've had sex." Zoe blushed harder, but nodded, shutting up. " Thank you. Now, where was I? ...Right! Miguel! I actually had plans to move out to California, get married. I know it's impractical, look!I was in love, and I was happy for once in my hopeless life. Finally, after years of drowning, I was thrown a life preserver. I hope he has that kind of support..." Connor shook his head and growled, as the bright yellow lights behind him flashed a few times.

"Too much passion. It's time for me to be angry. Do you want to know what pisses me off? The way no one takes mental health seriously! The way I had to fight for my dad to get me therapy, the way you all are scared of me... It's disgusting! The way mental health is so stigmatized. You know what my therapist told me to do when I get angry? This trick helped me... kind of... mend my relationship with Zoe." Connor paused for dramatic effect.