Fallen from the Sky

Chapter 10

Alex

I’m sorry, but I chose Andrew, and we’re not going anywhere.

The words sting, the phrase repeats over and over as it echoes through my mind. Of course, I knew this already, but hearing her say it. It has an entirely different impact altogether.

Half of the group turn to me, studying me, even Harriet glances over. And I can’t help feeling terribly guilty, having it weigh down on me, churning in my stomach. Although she kissed me, and it was the attacker’s fault, I didn’t pull back nearly soon enough. I let her do it, which is selfish, and foolish, but she should have pulled back sooner too. I can’t blame it all on her, not just because I like her, but because it would be unfair. If I didn’t like her, she would have never done it in the first place.

But I can’t help my feelings.

I’m overthinking it, because I automatically think it’s my fault. And it’s selfish again, but I want to blame it on Harriet, on the mysterious attacker. Because I kissed my crush, just like Harriet did, except she got hers, and I didn’t.

“Alex?” Says Daisy’s voice, waking me from my thoughts. I look up at the group again, realising Harriet is blushing ferociously, and Andrew looks simply frustrated.

“What?” I say. A bit rude, but to the point.

“Harriet just asked to talk with you, in private.”

Did she? Oh no.

“Really?” I say, trying not to sound totally freaked out. “Why?”

“Guess.” Says Luna, as Harriet stands up, and beckons me to follow. I take her hand at the entrance, then let go, realising how it might now look. I can’t even be her friend now. She winds me through clearing after clearing through trails and undergrowth, then she starts climbing a tree. I follow, a bit unsteadily on some of the branches, until we are sat together high in this tree. For a moment I am scared she is going to kiss me, or that I am going to kiss her. And for a moment it looks like she thinks the same.

“Alex, you heard what I said.”

I’m not sure how to respond. When I look at her, and the way she nervously sets her fingers in her lap, I want to kiss her more badly than ever before. So badly I have to look away, because I think if I look at her for one more second, I’ll give in.

“Alex?”

“Yeah.” I say, still not looking directly at her.

“So, I wanted to talk a bit more. Because I know what it’s like to have a crush.” We make eye contact for a second, then she turns away.

“I know how much you may want to do… well… you know. And I love Andrew, I do.”

She looks up at the sky and I decide I can’t have this conversation without looking at her.

“And?”

“But I think I also like you.” The world seems to fall, as if someone played a slow, heavy fading bass and now I’ve landed in this tree again. “And it nags at me, so much. Because I’ve finally got my crush to like me, but now I think I like you.” She fiddles with her hands again. “Andrew says he can’t trust me.” She looks me in the eyes.

“Would you trust me?”

No. That’s my immediate answer.

“Well, you’ve had a crush on him for a year…” I think for a moment. “Harriet, I don’t think that matters.”

She looks up, as if slightly scared of what I mean.

“I don’t mean it in, well, that way. I mean it in a you-need-to-trust-yourself-more way.”