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chapter 2- New beginnings

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It's hard to turn the page when someone won't be in the next chapter; anyway the story must go on
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PRESENT DAY
ABUJA

AMANDA'S POV
(Amanda Aderinsola Akinde)

The whole situation had caused us to move to Abuja, a different house, different city, different school for me.

Mummy has reopened her fashion empire here and dad is still working in Chevron so he has to travel to Lagos for work. Everything happened so fast- too fast. Mum and dad have stopped grieving, it took the most toll on me. Aaron had to come to Nigeria in a rush to attend the funeral and also to keep the family strong. He has gone back to school already, it was I who had to cope with the new school

"Amanda"

Her bubbly smiles, how annoying she could be, how she was almost my weight at six

"Amanda"

I'd left her that day at home and locked the door to keep her safe. Maybe if I'd even left it open she would have run out and not suffocated

"Amanda!" My therapist jolts me back to reality. I am at her office for the third time this week. What I do every time is to stare at her and wait for my appointment time to be up. I am definitely not ready to try to reason with anybody

"Your parents said, you had gone out to get some onions to cook stew when you left Ashley in right?"

I swallow, of course that was what I had told them. I wasn't even allowed to go out so I had to use something like that. If they found out I was the reason for her death, they'd probably just kill me too so I could join her. I nod slowly at my therapist then look at the quote above her head. It reads

''a problem shared is only half solved when you share it with the right person''. Hmph the right person indeed

"It's really not easy to lose a loved one, especially when the circumstances..."

I zone out again. A loved one? Ashley was my sunshine. She was the reason I thought I had to keep my results above a C average because she always looked up to me, she was my little errand girl, she was the one who loved to watch me swim and when the water splashed she'd say "cold cold, this water is too cold".

Again what circumstances sef? I left her that day to hangout with Kelly and the others and the most they have done is to send me messages of "please accept our condolences"

Do they even understand that it happened on the day I was out partying with them? I will never forgive myself, I don't think God will even ever forgive me. My parents don't know but if they did I'd probably be out on the streets by now.
The clock rings and I am happy to know that my one hour session has ended. I pick my bag and start to walk out

"Goodbye Amanda"

I nod and walk out of the office, out of the hospital and into a cab to take me home. Painful memories in my mind, I've not even fully accepted any change yet.

Abuja is fine oh I get and it's way more peaceful, but Lagos was my life, my school, my friends- even though none of them bothered to call- I'm starting to feel they were never really my friends, I was just a tag along. I'd even told Kelly that my parents travelled and I didn't want to leave my sister at home but she had me come anyway, I shouldn't have listened. And now she hasn't even called. Her only message was

"sorry about your loss baby, accept my deepest condolences" like what's that? Was it my grandpa that died? Does she understand my little sister died? Or she did but just didn't care

I'll have to deal with the demons of guilt that haunt me every night I sleep. I've even stopped wearing blue dresses just because it gives me terrible memories .

I look in the mirror to see that my eyes have grown bags from continuous crying and not sleeping. My skin looks on point as usual but the usual glow is absent. I look like a shadow of the girl I used to be. I give myself a dry smile to check if my lips can still form a curve. The smile doesn't get to my eyes just as it doesn't get to my heart.

I regard my new uniforms on my bed
Wawu

The uniform😚.

Dayumm

As much as I hate the idea of joining a new school, the innocent uniforms didn't do anything to me. They are sooo hot

I hold the first set of uniforms to my chest and walk towards my vanity, a little smile finding it's way to my lips. I pick the second set and repeat the action, a sigh escaping my lips- what's the use any way? After all, "fine uniform and dead brain all equals zero"

I don't think I'll ever forget that statement and who made it

I rip the tag off my new doc martens and slip my feet in- mummy really went all out because what is this chain hanging off it like I'm in some rock band- I slip in the other one without bothering to lace it since my talents don't extend to lacing shoes- I'm terrible

Guess who's added at least three inches to her height? This girl

I never wear shoes without a little boost at least, that's what you get for being the short average. I whip on my navy blue blazers and immediately decide that I prefer it to the white one- what if I get syrup stain on it?!

On the right side of my blazers- like a second badge- are my initials A.A.A embroidered in gold letters, trust my mum to label all my stuff including my socks and hankies. The uniform also consists of two sweaters, one navy blue and one white one- both long sleeved- why did these people double all their uniforms?

Hmm maybe two people founded the school, one whose favorite color was blue and the other who preferred white. They had a battle that lasted for 40 days and 40 nights to decide what color their descendants would wear, at the end of these days the soldiers from both sides were all worn out as no team seemed to be winning. Therefore they came to a truce that both colors should be incorporated. The end

What? It's possible

I fix my blazer back on its hanger and hang the two sets on the steel rod in my wardrobe.

I plop myself down on the cushion stool for my vanity and tuck myself closer to the dressing table. A huge sigh escapes my lips for the umpteenth time as I take a lasting gaze at my reflection.

Amanda you look terrible

My inner voice tells me

"I feel terrible too" I say aloud, to no one in particular

I pick the plastic cutting comb with a steel bottom and attack the tips of my overdue braids with it.

First impression lasts longer, you can't arrive at your new school looking like a zombie from a movie shot in the 90's

I'll make it through this year oh highschool anyhow it comes, good or bad, boring or fun, I don't care anymore

I've stopped caring

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Chapter 2 is finished babies😘
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