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55

Kirti was bawling her eyes out having her bias's new song dreamers on repeat for the 5th time ever since he released it, she knew that the song was not only made for the world cup but rather BTS themselves, they had so many reasons to quit to give up, they received so much hate and still do but here they are still keeping the passion, the song spoke volumes making her feel all types of emotions, she had spent time with kai but he has school tomorrow so their play date had been cut short.

now here she was cradling her kookie plushy as tears streamed down her face, a heavy feeling in her chest, why was she so emotional? well maybe cause every time she felt like giving up it was their voices of wisdom that stopped her, if it weren't for them her family would probably be mourning her loss and she was not even exaggerating, so much comfort from seven men who don't even know she exists.

she felt the familiar heat cocoon her , resting her head against his shoulder they both sat in silence listening to the song play in the back ground " you know i used to pretend to be happy and hide my real self , even though i was surrounded by so many people i still feel alone , i still feel sad , it's not has bad as it used to be , it could be seen as progress, when i found out they were leaving for military it broke me it scared me , cause all along they were my comfort they still are , you know what's the sad part whenever i get excited or depressed about something dealing about them , i am called over dramatic , or they look at me weirdly , i love my parents don't get me wrong but they don't actually understand why i feel the way i do , i can't expect them to understand especially if i hide away from them, but sometimes i feel like the lyrics that they sing are exactly what i need to hear at that current moment , i feel like an outcast no lie but when i listen to them i feel apart of them i feel belonging something that i haven't felt for most my life , like my little achievements were something i could be proud off something that they would be proud off , when i look at them i feel like i could accomplish anything and everything , my comfort space , something i could always run to when i felt my world caving in and the need to escape reality, i am so proud of them all of them , it's an emotion that i can't describe i haven't perfected loving myself entirely but i began to love small parts of me slowly hoping that one day i could love myself whole again , i became okay with being alone cause they gave me self worth i was scared about how i was going to cope from now till they return ? and how would I cope when they decide to disband then I realized that their music will always be with me, their advice will always be with me, and they will always be with me, I felt selfish that I did not want them to ever disband but what about them? I am sure there's so much they want to do with their lives, and if they made us happy for so long sacrificing so much, why can't we do the same for them? I mean that's what we do when we love someone right? Does their happiness not become our happiness? that's how I comforted myself , I never thought that these 7 boys will have such a huge impact on, my life, I never knew that they will become such a big part of me, and even if they do disband I will still be  a proud  army. I will still call myself an army it's not just a fandom it became a part of my identity, it became a part of me, it became the reason why I smile so often, being an army isn't just a fan status being an army is a statement it means that each one of us has faced so many trials and tribulations but we still came out strong and even with all the daily storms we face we will still come out strong that's the true meaning of army it's not a fandom and BTS is not just a group it's family you can find solace comfort and happiness in".

"I don't think I could explain it any better than you have kitty" kiraan smiled at the girl who had a sparkle in her eye the one that she always had when she was passionate about something, him being an army himself could have not explained it the way she had with so much love and conviction, even though he loved bts he knew that in her eyes no one can compare to them they had been there for her through her darkest moments in life and still this day find comfort.

" damn I got competition thank god I am an army" he shook his head dramatically, hearing the melodious giggle that emitted from his girlfriend.

" no one compares to them baby" he pouted at her comment when an idea struck his head, and he soon began to tickle her wanting to hear more of her addictive laughter.

"nooooo kiraan stop please" she let out in between laughs, finally tiring her out he pulled her onto his lap so they could cuddle.

"How did you even get in I thought you and kaar were playing some online game?"

"yeah we were, but then Kira phoned and the guy legit bolted so that's how ended up here"

"oooooh anyway you should leave it's already late"

"yeah, mum said to remind you that tomorrow you'll are making lunch for the pack"

" oh yeah, I'll be there" there was a small moment of confusion, they had only ever kissed twice but now kiraan was dying to taste his mate's soft lips. before he could take the opportunity it was stolen from him as she began kissing him ever so slowly but filled with so much love you could say, it took him a while to kiss back but he did, after precisely 15 minutes the mates pulled apart lips swollen, and heavy breaths leaving them.

"goodnight baby"

"goodnight love"

"message when your home," she said softly still shy from what she had done

"I will" kiraan could not help the smile that formed on his face.