Contentment

Grandma

We've discussed many things about what has been going on

You're bedridden now

And all I hear is the oxygen concentrator evaporating air,

How you ask me where everyone in the Philippines is

Asking me if it's Saturday when Wednesday has just begun

I'm not frustrated at you grandma,

I'm frustrated at my incapabilities

Of being able to take your sickness away

The inability to speak our native language

I'm afraid to lose you,

As you're slowly slipping from me,

You still reach out for me to comfort you

And it makes me cry,

Cause even though I am clearly incapable,

You have hope

That I can lessen your pain

Entrusting me with your tears and insecurities

Venting your anger out

As I have confided in you with my insecurities

My hand being rough due to my eczema,

Yet you still hold it

Unable to respond in Hiligaynon

Yet you listen and respond in English

And I can't find love like this grandma

Especially within my generation and age

To have the dedication and patience to listen

As well as respond.

It's the best thing I could ever do,

To comfort you,

not knowing the countdown

Only to solely tell you how much I love you

By reminiscing all the shit, we have been through

Burning my legs and putting tomatoes on them

Yelling and at the next minute crying together

Kneading the dough for siopao

To celebrate the 40th anniversary

Whining about eating yams from the linugaw

To now rolling dough balls and cutting yams

For the linugaw

Taking me to the Glendale galleria to go shopping as a kid

To now escorting you to the galleria to take you shopping

This is what grew to me, and it's what will still grow with me

The dedication to love and care for you and for those around

Even if it didn't mean a damn thing to them

I'm glad to have the capacity to care so much

Thanks to your teachings,

And to be with you grandma