Lia Rivers has had a hard life. Her parents are abusive and favor her twin brother, Mattheo Rivers. Lia turns to harmful ways to cope and goes spiraling. After falling in love with the notorious Draco Malfoy, will he be able to help her before she g...
I still feel him I'm disgusting Why didn't I fight harder? It's my fault I do everything wrong
Thoughts race through my head as I make my way to the Great Hall. After what happened last night, I took a shower that turned my skin red and scrubbed my body until it was raw. Then, I took my razor blade and sliced my thigh.
It didn't matter how many cuts I made or how much I hurt myself physically, the mental pain never went away forever.
"Hey, Lia!" Pansy greeted me as I took a seat at the wooden bench.
"Hey, Pansy," I replied as I took my plate of food from Mattheo and murmured a thanks.
"This weekend there's going to be a party and I wanted to know if you want to come."
"I'll have to see how I'm feeling, but I'm usually always up for a party."
"Alright, let me know. I'll see you in potions!"
We all left the hall and went to class. It was crowded and nobody noticed when I was pulled into an empty classroom.
"What the fuck!" I yelled as I realized what was happening.
The light to the room switched on and of course, it was Draco.
"What do you want now?" I asked him, not really wanting to deal with his shit at the moment.
He ran a hand down his face and he looked so fucking hot. Too bad he's an asshole. "You said Pucey only tried to touch you."
"He did, what are you going on about?"
"You didn't tell me you guys had sex."
"Is that what he's calling it?"
"Yes, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"I already told you, it's none of your business."
"Well it's my business if he raped you!"
My face fell, and that had to be what gave my secret away. "Who told you that?"
"He did, god dammit. He was bragging about being able to get in your pants."
"Then why did you assume he- he raped me?" My throat felt dry as I spoke the words.
"Because you don't like him, I know that. Plus, you just told me everything I need to know."
"Don't tell Mattheo, please," I begged him.
"What in Merlin's name am I supposed to do? I mean this situation, you self harming again."
"You're not going to do anything about it. Don't forget you're the one who broke up with me, who didn't want to be involved with me anymore," Tears stung the back of my eyes.
"You don't get to push me away because I broke up with you, Lia."
"And why not?"
"Because I didn't have a choice," He admitted.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means that I took the mark and the Dark Lord made me cut ties with you."
"You what? Why? Why would you do that?"
"I had to. I loved- I still love you, Lia. It was never about your body. It was all real."
"Then why would you say all of those things to me? Why did you have to hurt me so bad?" Tears started to roll down my cheeks.
"I needed to make sure you wouldn't get suspicious. I needed you out of my life."
"And now?"
"What?"
"Do you still need me out of your life?"
"Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to be."
"I'm not risking your life because you want to be with me. I would never forgive myself if you got hurt."
"Let me help you again, Lia. Please."
"I don't need help, Draco. I'm perfectly fine, I'm doing fine."
"Are you telling me that or trying to convince yourself? Have you been eating, Lia?"
"Merlin's beard, don't start with the food thing!"
"I'm serious, Lia. You look emaciated."
"Alright, that's my cue to leave," I roll my eyes and start to walk to the door.
"This conversation is not over, okay?"
"Whatever."
And I walked out on him, just like he did to me.
Time Skip: The Slytherin Party
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I decided to go to the party. Even though I feel like absolute shit, I'm still going. Pansy and I end up meeting at the Slytherin common room entrance. "Let's get this party started!" She shouts cheerfully.
She's so full of life and joy, kind of how I wish I was. Outgoing, confident, sassy. She's the opposite of me.
When we enter the music filled room, we end up splitting up immediately. I go towards the drug table while she heads for the alcohol filled one. I remember the second day of 5th year when at a party, Draco steered me away from this specific table.
Flashback- As we got to the table, I examined the drugs. There was cocaine, weed, ecstasy, angel dust, and even several needles ready for the use of herion.
"Don't use any of those hard drugs, Lia. They're bad for you," Draco whispered in my ear.
Well things change, and nowadays, I love to ruin my body more than ever. I grab a pill that I'm positive is coke and bring it to the loo. I crush it up with my nail on the porcelain and use a rolled up euro to inhale the powder.
I tilt my head back and sniff, waiting for the drugs to enter my bloodstream. I make sure there is none left on the counter and head back to the party.
My heart already starts to pound, making me feel wide awake. When I brush past a dancing person, my body tingles in awareness. I feel empowered like I can do anything.
"Lia, is that you?" Oh shit. I turn around to see Mattheo with a red cup in his hand.
"Hi, Matty. What's up?"
"I didn't know you were coming."
"Well, I had to get out of my dorm." He can't tell that I'm high, right? It's too dark in here.
"Okay, you have fun. Don't go roaming around alone while you're high, though," He says with a smirk and goes over to the couches.
I decide I'm just going to ride out my high until it's over. So I join the group of bodies all over each other and let my body take me away. Euphoria is what I feel and for just a moment all my troubles go away, all my thoughts. And I am free.
