Suck It Up

Chapter 4

After Yok had calmed down a bit he got out his phone and called Ayan. He knew he had to apologize for what happened. He waited and waited for Ayan to answer and when he finally did Yok could hear Akk still crying.

"Ayan... Can you let me talk to Akk?" Yok asked.

"I have you on speaker if that's okay," Ayan said.

"Yeah, that's fine." Yok said before taking a deep breath." Akk... Will you listen to me for a moment?"

"Why... Why do you hate me!" Akk managed to say through his tears.

"Akk I don't hate you. I'm sorry I got angry with you. I just... I can't handle it when people do that." Yok explained." I shouldn't have said those things about you. I'm sorry. When you calm down and if you want to talk to me again just give me a call okay?"

"Don't lie to me! You are trying to make me forgive you so you can feel better about snapping at me!" Akk sobbed.

"Akk. You know that I wouldn't do that. You know I've always been honest with you even when the truth would hurt." Yok said." I truly didn't mean to snap at you. I just couldn't stop myself from reacting like that."

"I don't understand..." Akk said.

"I know you don't and I hope you'll never understand why I reacted that way." Yok said quietly." I hope you never understand why I am the way I am. It would break you if you knew the truth."

"Don't leave me again... I hate you so much but... But I don't want to lose you again..." Akk mumbled.

"I'm not leaving. I won't leave... Right now though I just need a bit of space to settle down and then we can try again." Yok said.

"If you leave me again I'll find you and mix all your paints together," Akk mumbled.

"If I leave again then I give you full permission to do that," Yok said as he laughed a bit.

"Akk and I are going to go now so he can fully calm down." Ayan said." Thank you for calling back to explain this to Akk."

"No worries. Ayan make sure you take good care of my little brother." Yok said.

"You don't have to worry. Akk is safe with me." Ayan said before hanging up.

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Yok made his way to the garage and immediately went to talk to Gumpa. He didn't really know who else to talk to but he need to talk to somebody. Gumpa had been there for him since he had gotten kicked out. Gumpa knew everything about Yok's past and what he's been through so in Yok's mind Gumpa was the safest person to talk to.

"Gumpa... Can we talk for a bit?" Yok asked.

Gumpa set aside his stuff and looked at Yok.

"What's going on? You look upset." Gumpa asked.

"Just remembering when those guys attacked us..." Yok said.

Yok sat on the ground next to Gumpa as he began to mess with his lighter. He had never fully gotten over what happened that day. He remembered getting grabbed and dragged off away from the main road and then having his mouth covered while one of the other guys beat the shit out of him. Yok remembered screaming for somebody to help him but nobody came to help him and he couldn't defend himself. Long after those guys stopped beating him and left Gumpa happened to find Yok.

"I tried to scream for help but nobody came... I was so scared..." Yok mumbled.

"That day still is constantly on your mind isn't it Yok?" Gumpa asked.

Yok nodded before looking at Gumpa.

"I went to visit my brother for the first time in years and I was talking about how he was as a kid and something I said upset him..." Yok explained." And then he tried to cover my mouth and I snapped at him. I'm such a shitty brother."

"You aren't a shitty brother. It's not your fault that something like that triggers you. Your brother didn't know that would happen." Gumpa said." You and your brother need to communicate better if you want to repair your relationship."

"I know but I don't know how. Akk is so closed off and I can't get through to him. He still sees me as that shitty person." Yok said.

Gumpa just patted Yok on the shoulder.

"He'll come around. Give it time. He probably has his own issues going on. He also was probably dealing with a lot of emotions after seeing you again for the first time." Gumpa explained.

"I hope he'll forgive me," Yok said.

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"What was it that Yok said that made you so upset?" Ayan asked.

"He said I was gullible. Gullible means to be easily tricked or deceived." Akk explained." And look what happened to me at Suppalo. I was manipulated for years."

Ayan pulled Akk into a hug. Akk could only cling to him while trying not to cry.

"So it was relating to what happened at Suppalo... I had a feeling that's what it was." Ayan said.

"I hurt so many people..." Akk mumbled.

"You were manipulated and used by the adults of the school." Ayan began." You were a victim Akk. Your brother doesn't know this. He didn't have any ill intent."

Akk just shook his head as he held onto Ayan.

"I'm no better than him... If Suppalo didn't care so much about its reputation I could've gotten into legal trouble..." Akk explained.

"You changed though. You started working towards fixing all the damage caused." Ayan said." You aren't the same person as you were then."

Akk looked at Ayan with teary eyes. He felt so awful for what he did at Suppalo. He felt awful for what he had done to Yok at their first meeting in years. He felt like such a terrible person. Akk didn't understand why Ayan stayed by his side. Akk could never show Ayan the love he deserved.

"You could find somebody so much better Aye... You shouldn't love somebody like me." Akk said.

Ayan just wipe away Akk's tears before resting their foreheads together.

"I only want you Akk... You are my universe. You are all I need in life." Ayan whispered." I will love every version of you... Good or bad doesn't matter to me. What matters is that you are safe and happy. I will do anything for you. You are the light of my life."