Suck It Up

Chapter 6

Ayan had returned somewhat late in the afternoon. After his conversation with Yok, he went out to get a few books and some groceries. He was a bit worried when he couldn't find Akk in his usual spot. Ayan set the stuff down and rushed to the bathroom when he heard the shower running.

He wasn't surprised to find Akk sitting on the shower floor fully clothed with water running over him. Ayan knew this was one of the ways Akk self-harmed. Akk would purposely take ice-cold showers with his clothes on because his body had a hard time warming back up. He was almost always cold and that was partly because he was often too stressed to eat. More often than not Akk only ate a few snacks unless Ayan was eating a meal with him. That was part of why Ayan had begun to stay with Akk constantly.

Ayan hurriedly shut the water off. He could see Akk was shivering badly and it worried him.

"Akk how long were you in the shower?" Ayan asked.

"Since... Since you... left..." Akk stammered out.

"That was almost an hour ago!!!" Ayan shouted.

Ayan took a deep breath before going to get Akk his warmer clothes. Since Ayan and Akk had begun living together and Ayan found out about the ways Akk self-harmed he began to keep things ready in case Akk did. He knew exactly where the clothes were that Akk would wear to warm himself up. Ayan hated that he couldn't do more than care for Akk after the self-harming occurred.

Akk sat silently listening to Ayan gather everything he needed to. He hadn't meant to stay in the shower that long. It wasn't like he was going to get hypothermia. Akk had done this enough times to know that he wouldn't get it. He knew that so long as he never exceeded two hours in the cold water he should be fine.

"Aye..." Akk called out.

Ayan hurriedly ran back into the bathroom and very carefully got Akk out of the wet clothes. He knew the more difficult part would come with getting Akk out of the shower. It was always the most difficult to do on his own but he had to do it.

"I am going to move you to the bed and I'm going to cover you with the blankets. Do not try to kick them off like last time." Ayan said.

He struggled to get Akk up off the ground and to the bed. After the first time, Ayan had found Akk like this he decided to work out so it would be easier to carry Akk. It was still difficult to lift him but Ayan could do it a bit easier now.

"You can't be doing this Akk..." Ayan said after getting Akk under the blankets.

"I... didn't mean... to..." Akk stuttered.

"No more cold showers. No more showers when I'm not here." Ayan began." No more showers this long..."

Akk didn't try to fight it. He just went quiet and huddled under the blankets as best he could. He couldn't stop himself from taking a cold shower but he never meant to stay in it that long. Akk couldn't stop himself from thinking about his brother. He felt bad for everything he had done to him in the past. He felt bad for being so perfect. He felt bad about how his parents compared them.

"I... want Yok..." Akk mumbled.

Ayan was a bit surprised but he nodded.

"I'll have to explain to him what happened... Are you okay with that Akk?" Ayan asked.

Akk nodded his head so Ayan got out his phone and called Yok.

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Yok was in the middle of sketching the skyline of the city when Ayan called him. He wasn't prepared to hear what had happened.

"Yok can you come over?" Ayan asked.

"I thought Akk didn't want me over?" Yok asked.

He heard Ayan sigh and that made him a little worried.

"Akk... he self-harmed. It's not bad I've already taken care of first aid and all that." Ayan explained." He takes really cold showers and he has difficulties warming back up. I already have him under the blankets and I'm making him a warm drink but he keeps asking for you."

"I'll be heading over soon. I just have to pack my art supplies and then I'll be on my way. Let Akk know I'm heading over." Yok said.

"I will," Ayan said.

Yok hurriedly hung up and packed up his art supplies. He rushed down the stairs of the abandoned building and quickly got to his bike before beginning the trip to Akk's place.

It only took him about ten minutes to get there.

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Yok entered the small room and immediately ran over to Akk before sitting next to him. He couldn't believe Akk had asked for him. He couldn't believe that Akk had even wanted him around.

"You really came here?" Akk asked in confusion.

"Of course I did. You wanted me to be here so I came." Yok said.

Akk crawled out from the blankets and hugged Yok while crying a bit. Yok just held him close and let him cry. He hated seeing Akk hurting. He hated that he wasn't there for Akk during everything wrong that had happened in his life. Yok was so upset with himself for leaving Akk to deal with that type of toxicity alone.

Yok noticed Akk had begun to shiver again so he carefully helped him go back under the blankets. He was about to get up and get a warm drink for Akk but stopped when Akk grabbed a hold of his arm and stopped him.

"Don't leave..." Akk said quietly.

Yok nodded and sat back down.

"Okay, I won't leave. I'll stay right here." Yok said.

It was quiet for a while as Yok and Akk sat thinking about their own things. Yok was thinking about all the things he had done to Akk in the past and how it was his fault Akk was suffering so much. Akk on the other hand thought about how Yok was always treated by their parents and how he was always overshadowed by Akk's achievements.

"I'm sorry..." Akk mumbled.

"Why are you sorry?" Yok asked.

"I'm sorry that mom and dad always treated you badly. I'm sorry that they always compared you to me. I'm sorry that I was so perfect." Akk began." I'm sorry that you were kicked out. I'm sorry that mom and dad always saw you as a problem child. You were never bad."

Yok tried to stop himself from crying as he held one of Akk's hands.

"You aren't the one who needs to be apologizing. It's me who should be saying these things." Yok began." I'm sorry that mom and dad forced you to be perfect after I failed to. I'm sorry that I always let my anger get the better of me. I'm sorry for convincing you to do dangerous things. I'm sorry for not noticing when you fell off that cliff. I'm sorry that I hurt you by leaving. You never should've had to bear all the weight of mom and dad's expectations alone."

"We are both fucked up aren't we?" Akk said with a small laugh as he wiped away a few tears.

Yok laughed and wiped away his own tears.

"Yeah we are but that's okay. We can be fucked up together." Yok said quietly.