Full Bloom

A-Okay

Grandpa and I pulled up to Woodland Springs. It was my first time seeing the place, or the first time I'd seen it in a while, at least. I'd sang here at a Girl Scout back in elementary school, but I never imagined my grandma having to be here, especially without my grandpa.

We walked inside and went up to the front desk. The young girl working there greeted us with a warm smile and handed us our visitor passes. Then, a worker in scrubs, named Megan, came out and led us down the hall to a common room.

The older folks were scattered all around on couches, chairs, and around circular tables. I saw my grandma sitting at the edge of a couch, next to a woman in a wheelchair. I noticed something very unusual: yarn and knitting needles in her hands. I hadn't seen her knit in a while.

"Poppy, look who's here to see you!" said Megan.

My grandma looked up, giving her usual, lost smile. It was always a mixture of happiness and confusion. I missed the warm smile I was used to, when she'd see me and say "There's my Jenny Jellybean!"

"Hey sweetheart! How are you?" Grandpa asked her, giving her a kiss on the head before sitting down.

I took a seat in the armchair, sitting beside the woman in the wheelchair, who was also knitting. She gave me a small smile.

"I'm Millie, her knitting buddy," she said. "You must be Jen."

I sat up a bit. I wonder how she knew my name. The workers couldn't have told her. They didn't know me.

"Umm...yes," I said. "How did you know my name?"

Millie looked at me, a puzzled expression on her face. "What do you mean, darling? Your grandma talks about you a lot. She said the other day, 'Jen is having a baby.'"

I blinked a few times, trying to find the right words.

"I can't remember the last time she's said my name or understood who I was. It's been a long time," I finally said.

"I've been here for a few years. When you're here as long as me, you see a lot of these Alheimers and Dementia patients. Their memories go in and out sometimes," Millie said.

"Poppy, dear, how do you like it here?" Grandpa asked.

"I want to go home," she said. My heart sank. "To you and to...Courtney."

When she pointed at me I damn near died. Just the sound of her name filled me with rage.

"Grandma, I'm not Courtney! I'm Jen!" I said way-too-loudly. The people around me were starting to stare. "I'm not her, and I'll never be like her!"

"Jen, stop it! She doesn't know. She can't help it!" Grandpa said.

"But Grandpa, how can she think I'm her? You said we didn't even have the same hair color!"

"When she was pregnant with you, she dyed her hair brown. She went back to blond after you were born. I think your grandma is remembering back to before you were born," he said.

"Bad attitude, as always," Grandma said to me. "You are always getting in trouble."

"Grandma, I'm not your daughter," I said calmly.

"Hmm? Yes you are, Courtney," she said. She held up the little pink square she was knitting. "Look. A blanket for baby Jennifer."

"Grandpa, I want to leave," I said.

"What? We just got here. Settle down. You're fine."

He sat there talking to her for a bit while I got up to use the bathroom. My little lady was pressing on my bladder. I loved her to pieces but honestly I was getting sick of being pregnant, and I still had nearly three months to go.

I walked back out to the common area. Megan took us and my grandma to look at her bedroom. It was a pretty generic room. It had a bed, nightstand, and a dresser. Grandpa bought a few more pictures to put in various areas. I put my most recent ultrasound picture on the nightstand for her.

After hanging out in her room for a bit, Megan came back and told us Grandma had to go for lunch. We hugged her goodbye and went out into the parking lot. I, being a hormonal, emotional mess, started crying as soon as we walked out the door.

"Hey, it's alright," Grandpa said, enveloping me in a hug.

"No, it's not Grandpa! I hate to see her this way...in the state that she's in! I don't want her to be in a nursing home."

"I know. I don't either, but this is what's best for her. Whether we like it or not. She has around-the-clock care and she's safe. And she seems to be doing fine. I'm surprised she made a friend already," he said. "How about we head out and get some lunch. You've got a big night tonight."

"I really don't want to go to prom. I'm only going because my friends are making me go and Oliver wants to."

"You'll have a great time. Don't worry. Everything is going to be a-okay, sweetheart."

I sighed. I hoped he was right, but I was really, really dreading my junior prom.