Full Bloom

Step Back

I was able to take bereavement time off from work. A week wasn't enough time. I felt like I needed at least a month to recover. Thankfully Karen, Nassi, and my Grandpa were all able to help with some of the cleaning and driving Chrys to where she needed to go. She kept looking out the window in her bedroom, asking if Daddy was coming home from work.

"No Chrys. Daddy isn't coming home. Daddy is in heaven with Grandma Poppy. He's not here," I said to her, five days after he passed.

"Can we go visit him?" she asked.

"No. No we can't. I wish we could," I said.

A lot of people in Oak Falls came to our aid. People paid for the funerals for Oliver and all the kids. We got a lot of donations to our family. It tugged on the heartstrings of the public to find out that the slain teacher had two kids. They sent toys and clothes to the girls. We got some financial help as well, but I had to put almost all of it towards my medical bills. My D&C procedure, to clean out everything after I lost my third baby, was really expensive.

It was like all this stuff was falling on me at once. Not only was I dealing with the loss of my husband and the stress of that which literally caused me to lose my baby, but now there were all these changes. My entire life was upheaved.

I had Chrys at seventeen. I never went to college. I had no degree, no skills. I could change a diaper, read picture books, make snacks, and run a merchandising team. Oliver was our main income. He was so, so young. He had no life insurance. I had no choice. I had to find a second job to provide for my girls.

The Moores, who lived up the street, offered me a waitress position at their diner. I started working there on weekends. I let Chrys stay at a table and color, or watch movies on the band-new portable DVD player donated to us. Poppy was in the break room, sitting in a playpen with the Moore's youngest daughter, Destiny, who was the same age as her. Even as toddlers, those two were inseparable.

I couldn't even take it a day at a time. I had to take it an hour at a time. Some days, I felt like I couldn't go on, but I had no choice. I had my two beautiful girls. I had to go on, even if I didn't want to. Even if I wanted to give up.

After a month, my mental health wasn't doing so hot. Bills were starting to pile up, even with my second job. Even with the fifty cent raise I begged my boss at the store for. My grandpa put me in a grief support group. Every other Sunday, I sat in a circle with people who'd lost someone. But it felt like it wasn't even helping.

There's ways to cope with someone dying. But I felt like there was no way to cope with a school shooting. There's no way to cope with the fact that this guy shot my husband and then killed himself. There was going to be no justice for Oliver or any of those kids. And what could even stop something like this from happening again? What if it happened to Chrys or Poppy while they were in high school?

"Chrys and Poppy," I said, looking down at the river flowing below me.

"Hey, are you alright, Miss?" I heard someone call from behind me. A man had gotten out of his car and was standing not too far away. "Please, you're so young. Don't do this."

"I...I'm not. I won't," I said, stepping away from the railing of the Starbound Bridge. The man came closer. He held out his hand. I took it. "I was backing away anyway, I swear."

"Listen, I've thought about it, too. You're Jennifer Everston, right?" he asked. I nodded. "My name is David. My son is Chris Ryles, the one with the—"

"Bullet to the head. Yes. I know. I'm so sorry that your son is still in the hospital."

"And he won't be leaving for a long time. And just with the bills alone, we're about to lose our house," he said. "But we can't give up. None of any of us related to this Valley Hill thing can give up, you hear me? That kid said in the manifesto that he wanted to cause an 'unspeakable amount of devastation' to us. If we give up, he wins." I nodded. "Is that your car over there?"

"Yes."

"Look, this whole thing sucks. But we can't give up. I mean it. Now go home. Go hug your girls. They lost their dad. You're all they've got left. Keep fighting."

"You too, David," I said to him.

I went back to my car, got off at the next exit, and drove in the direction towards home. I wished that David hadn't found me. Death sounded a lot easier than cooking dinner, baths, and bedtime stories, all while putting on a brave face. But it didn't matter. I had to do it.

I drove home, where my grandpa and the girls were waiting. I opened the door and was instantly tackled by hugs.

"Mommy! Mommy!" the girls said, hugging me.

"Mommy, I got a hundred on my spelling test!" Chrys said, holding up the paper for me, showing off her bright smile.

My grandpa came into the hallway. "You're pretty late. Got held up at work?"

"Yeah. Tough project. Had to meet a deadline," I said.

I picked up Poppy and walked into the kitchen so I could get started on dinner. I just had to find a way to keep going.