Full Bloom

A Changed World

I sat in the living room, looking for names of apartments in the phone book. Things were tense between my grandpa and I. Baby Chrys was now two weeks old, and she never slept at night. Like, at all. Two hours at a time, max.

I was feeling so exhausted, and so gross. I was still bleeding, not as badly, but still. Every time I showered, Chrys would end up spitting up all over me. It was like she knew that I was suddenly fresh and clean, and she had to ruin that for me.

Since I was so tired and moody, I was butting heads with my grandpa a lot. It was rough. I really wanted Oliver to be able to stay with me, even downstairs on the couch, just so I'd have some help throughout the night, but he was strictly against it. He "didn't want this to happen again," which I understood. Once I felt better, I was going to start going on birth control.

Grandpa would help me throughout the night when he could, but I didn't want to keep waking him up. He already raised my mom and me. He shouldn't have to do that a third time. That's why I wanted Oliver to help, instead of him.

Just so we didn't have to go back and forth between houses, I was looking at apartments. But everything was too expensive. I also didn't even have a job. I got paid under the table by Mary. And honestly, I loved Annie so much that I didn't want to take on a different job. I was literally stuck.

I looked over at Chrys, who was now awake and crying next to me. I could smell it. That was why she was crying. I took her upstairs, changed her diaper, cleaned her up, and then got changed. It had been two weeks since I'd been out of my sweatpants.

I brushed my hair out, put on some foundation and mascara, then changed Chrys into a cute little newborn sundress I got off the clearance rack for only a dollar-fifty. It was a steal. After all that, I grabbed the Feel You Move cassette and went downstairs.

"Grandpa, I'm going to go out for a bit!" I yelled out the back door.

He took his hand off the lawnmower and waved. "Okay. See you later!"

I put Chrys into her carseat and drove ten minutes away to WSDS. The parking lot was pretty empty, which was odd. It was one in the afternoon. Iris should be halfway through her summer "booty camp" class, which was wildly popular.

I parked, grabbed Chrys and her carrier, then walked inside the studio. No booming hip hop music was playing. Where the heck was Iris? I peeked into all the different studios. Two were empty, and the other two had girls taking private lessons.

I left and walked into the other entrance, which was the studio store. Holly, the third Winter sister who wasn't a dancer, but managed the studio, was behind the counter. She often worked there when they were short-staffed or someone had a day off.

"Hey, Holly! How's it going?" I asked her.

"Oh, Jen, hi," she said.

Something was off about her face. She looked tired. She looked broken.

"I'm here to drop this off for Iris," I said, holding up the cassette.

"Iris?" she said. "Oh..." I watched as her eyes began to turn red. My heart was in my throat. What was going on here? "Iris...passed three weeks ago."

"What? No. Stop. Holly, really, stop it. Please tell me you're lying."

"It was Clyde."

"Her husband? Wait, no! Her and Clyde loved each other! What do you mean, 'it was Clyde?'"

"Things were bad between them for a long time. She had us all fooled, and so did he. I saw the red flags, we all did. But, we ignored them. She always said everything was fine, no matter how many bruises she had. She said she was 'clumsy,' but I knew my niece. She wasn't clumsy at all."

I tried to catch my breath. I tried to find the words. I remembered the bruise I saw on her hand. I wish I had known that would be the last time I'd ever see Iris.

"I...I missed the funeral and everything. I had no idea! I didn't even get to say goodbye!" I said, completely breaking down and sobbing. "Why would he do that to her? She should've just left...it doesn't make sense."

"I know it doesn't," Holly said, handing me a tissue box. "Justice is going to get served to him. They caught him before he could get too far. He's in jail. They want to get him for first-degree murder. A double homicide, because of the baby."

"Good. That's...good," I said, wiping my eyes. "Where is she buried? I have to go visit her."

"We got her a good plot over in Joan of Arc Cemetery. If you go past the angel monument, she's in the third row on the left, all the way at the end."

"Okay, thanks. Take care, Holly," I said, giving her the cassette.

"You too, Jen. Take it easy," she said.

I left the studio, went directly to the supermarket in the neighboring plaza, and grabbed a bouquet of lilies. They were her favorite. From there, I drove directly to Joan of Arc Cemetery. I parked the car as close as possible to the angel monument and started walking. Third row, all the way at the end. It was the one with all the flowers. There were so many other lilies there that I could barely see the writing on the headstone, which was shaped like a heart.

Having such a small family, I'd never lost someone close to me before. This was my first experience with death. I didn't know how to feel. Iris was so young. She had her whole life ahead of her. Her poor baby didn't even get a chance.

I moved the flowers slightly and saw the writing on the headstone.

Our angels,

Iris Theresa Winter

12/27/1971-7/18/2002

Hector Julius Winter

7/18/2002

Until we meet again.

I put my hand over my mouth. Hector. She was having a boy.

I sat there on the grass, holding Chrys, unable to move. How could something like this happen? Why would someone go and kill another person? A person he's supposed to love. I held Chrys a little tighter. It felt like my entire world was collapsing in on itself.