Full Bloom

The End of the World

 I tried to put the pillow over my ears to muffle the sound of my roommate turning up the volume of the TV. Please, turn it off. Turn it off.

"Terror this afternoon at Valley Hill High School out in Oak County. Five dead and ten in critical condition after a former student ran into the school's band room with a handgun and started shooting before turning the gun on himself. Terry Johnson is live at Valley Hill with the latest. Terry?"

"That's right, Lisa. As you can see behind me, the school is caution-taped off because this is still a crime scene. Police did release the name of the shooter, nineteen-year-old Ryan Cary. Cary graduated from the school last spring and has been unemployed ever since. He was a devout 'anti-establishment' person, as he'd written in his manifesto that was obtained by police this afternoon."

"And Terry, they've also just released the names of the victims, correct?"

"Yes, they did. Four students and one teacher. Three freshmen, Alexandra Friendly, Emmet Smith, and Kelly Lockhart. There's one junior, Sandra Carter. The teacher was twenty-two-year-old Oliver Everston, who just started his position as a band teacher this school year."

This has to be a bad dream. This can't be happening to someone like me. I've been a good person. I've been a good mom to my kids. I've been a good wife to my husband.

"Jen?"

I turned, took the pillow off of my face, and saw Doctor Andrews.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I had a delivery upstairs. I heard you came in. I'm so sorry, honey. You're having some bleeding, correct?" she asked, going through the papers on her clipboard.

I took a breath. There was a little bit of comfort, being here with my regular OBGYN who had delivered my first two kids. It was somebody I knew, not a stranger. I didn't have my husband or my kids. At least I had somebody.

"Have you had an ultrasound yet?" she asked me.

"No," I said. "But the doppler didn't pick up a heartbeat. They wanted to wait and see if they could find it on the ultrasound."

"Okay, hon. Let me see where I can get things moving, here." I nodded, tears starting to flow down my face. "Oh, Jen. I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now. I'll be back in a half hour to check on you. Just try to get some rest, okay?"

She left the room. I went back to muffling the TV with a pillow over my head.

"I can't even put into words how grateful I am for Mr. Everston. He sacrificed himself for me, and even for the other kids. Because he shielded me, I was able to get the exit door open and get the rest of the kids out."

"First the Columbine shootings, now this? What kind of world are we living in? Is this going to keep happening? Kids are just gonna go to schools and get shot? It's all these violent movies and videogames."

"And probably the bullying, too."

"That's right, and the bullying. These kids get bullied and then they go insane!"

"My daughter was fourteen. She had her whole life ahead of her. She didn't deserve to die. This was a dangerous kid. He had a long history with the law. Why was he out roaming the streets? Why was he allowed to be in a home with guns? His parents should've had their guns taken away so he didn't have access to them!"

"Powerful testimony from survivors, witnesses, and the parents of victim Kelly Lockhart. The parents of Ryan Cary have not responded to our attempts to comment on the situation. Back to you, Lisa."

"Thanks, Terry. Just a terrible, terrible tragedy..."

"Jen? Babe, can you hear me?"

I realized I was on the ground. Everything was a bright, glistening white. I looked around. It was like I was in the clouds.

"Hey, stand up, it's okay." I looked up and saw Oliver. This was awful. What kind of dream was this? "I'm sorry I had to go."

"It's not your fault. It's that crazy person who shot you. What...what are you holding?"

I looked at the white bundle in his arms. The baby started to laugh, kicking its little feet in an attempt to get out of the blanket.

"Shh, it's okay, Iris. Daddy's here," he said. "I don't know how to tell you this..."

"No, it's alright. Once the heartbeat didn't show up on the doppler, I knew," I said, starting to cry. "I'm glad you're not alone."

"Your grandma is here, too. She's crazy about our little girl," he said. "Hey, listen. Whatever happens, whatever you do in life, don't worry about it. I want you to have the best life, Jen. You're going to be a great mom to the rest of your kids, and an amazing grandma to your grandkids. Got it?"

"Huh? More kids?"

"It won't be for a long time, but you have to trust me. I know you're saying goodbye to Iris, but you'll be re-gifted tenfold in the future. Just be patient. You have to trust me."

"I-I do. I always will," I said. I noticed that he started to move back. I went to reach for him and Iris, but I couldn't touch them. "Wait, please don't go! I can't do this without you!"

"You can, and you will. You're stronger than you know! I love you!"

"I-I love you too, Ollie!" I said.

I was shaken awake by the sound of my bed moving. I saw a nurse next to me.

"Hi honey, I'll be taking you down the hall for an ultrasound."

"I don't need one. I know she's already gone," I said.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard what I said. Just grab my doctor so we can figure out what to do. I want to go home. I've got two living kids that need me."