Love After You

Chapter 23

"Adam..."

Jake stirs from his slumber, unsure where he is for a moment.

He blinks into the dark, his eyes adjusting as a wave of realisation washes over him.

First, images flashed through his mind: Jessica in his arms as they kissed in the rain, her blinking tears away as she opened the door to him, them making love in this bed.

He's in Wales, Jessica's in his arms, and they had sex the night before.

He could make out the curve of her body next to him, he could feel the weight of her head on his chest and her hand spread out on his stomach.

Soft snores fall from her mouth, little fast breaths hitting his chest. It was the cutest thing he had ever heard.

"Adam..." She sighed, her voice pained as her hand formed a fist against him.

His stomach twisted.

She was thinking of Adam, of course she was.

He squeezed his eyes shut, his arms going stiff around her naked body. He felt like such a fool.

Here he was, holding the woman he loved, and her mind was thinking of another.

He couldn't feel angry. Adam was the love of her life, so of course she would be dreaming of him. He was the one that was out of place here, he was the one that was wrong.

She wasn't his, she was Adams'. His heart ached, like she had taken it from his chest, held it in her palm, and crushed it into dust.

It wasn't fair to want someone so much who would never be his.

How he wished he could have met her first. Maybe he spotted her at a bar while they were both out with their friends, and he introduced himself in his cocky but also shy way. She would be interested, he was almost certain of it. Sometimes she got this twinkle in her eyes while she looked at him, showing small signs of attraction that he had learned from other women he had dated. She touched him, she held eye contact with him, and she listened to what he had to say. Sometimes, he felt like she leaned into him, just as entranced as he was, earger for more. But they were blimps, floating away quickly as she started to guard herself when she remembered who she was and who he was, and that this whole attraction was doomed.

If he had met her first, he could have loved her the way he wanted with no guilt. No shame.

Instead, he was cursed to live in this shadow that Adam had created, which had only grown longer and darker since he died.

He opened his eyes for a moment, allowing himself a sneak peak at her beautiful face before shutting them tight again. The guilt of their actions last night was starting to fester in his stomach like cancer.

He had betrayed his friend.

He had committed the one act that is unforgivable.

But yet, the guilt didn't hit as deep as it should. How could it? When he loved her as much as he did, how could it be wrong? He ran a finger down her cheek, and she sighed happily, snuggling her head into him. "Jake..." She mumbled.

His heart stopped.

Her lips curled upward for a second, like she was happy there in her dream. He wished he could know her true feelings, her true thoughts.

He begged for sleep to find him again, to swallow him up and consume him so he wouldn't feel anymore. But it didn't. Instead, he led there, staring up at the ceiling, watching the moonlight slide through the room, waiting for daylight to seep in through the window.