geek | armin arlert

monday

as the weekend rolled by, a feeling of loss and defeat lingered. a few messages had been sent from the boy you'd been formerly dying to get with in hopes for a second chance, apparently not wanting a guy piques their curiosity. your responses never came in.

saturday it'd been an annoyance responding back, having thought it was impossible to come off anymore punchable than he had at last night's party. you tried feeding yourself the delusion that perhaps it had been the alcohol, trying to give the relationship another shot. that was not the case.

sunday was a whole different story, he'd sent a lacking message in the morning which you simply read and hoped you'd somehow gain the motivation to reply in the upcoming few minutes. that was not the case.

in fact that motivation didn't even come until hours, it didn't come at all.

not like the lack of communication hurt, he'd rarely ask anything about you, which was something armin did very often. you'd gotten so used to warmly being offered a talking space. armin asked what you were doing, if you had ate, if you slept well. it was a shock how very different two boys could be.

having shamefully shed tears into your pillow last night made your eyes somewhat swollen, no amount of concealer or powder could hide it. the others pretended not to notice, but the worn out look was obviously a difference from the everyday perfected glam.

"you haven't replied to my texts."

reiner stood tall infront of the table where you and the usual other girls sat during lunch, making his presence known in the most dramatic way like always. except this time, fixing one's appearance was the least of your concerns. it wasn't a concern at all to be frank.

"i haven't been on my phone much."

that was a lie. you'd been home the whole day, rewatching 2000's movies, giving yourself a self care day, and thinking about a certain someone. unfortunately that person was not reiner.

it was armin arlert, and perhaps a week before you would've been scared to admit this. matter of fact, this statement wouldn't have even been a thought taken into consideration. times we're changing, the unimaginable was becoming reality starting with passing last fridays history exam.

"yoohoo!"

"hitch?" ymir said with a confused face, a little amused, a little annoyed "you suddenly talking to us now?"

"well, annie's busy with her boy toy so."

when she said this, all eyes managed to make their way on you. besides reiner and hitchs of course. the only two who failed to notice the prominent face of misery you'd been sporting today.

"is that so."

"supposedly jean spilled the beans yesterday at the party, and armin suddenly came up to her!"

a feeling of disgust arose from within you, directed at hitch and her sugarcoated words. hitch was supposed to be one of your closest friends, the person who normally drove you to school, but suddenly annie joined the picture. she took your uber and love interest!

that second bit stroke you with terror, the phrase still caught you by surprise.

you glanced over at the table he usually sat in, but there was no sign of him. mikasa and eren were sitting close together which explained the face of death historia was wearing, while marco simply flipped through pages of a magazine.

"anyways, we noticed you dancing with political freak 'marlo, what's up with that?"

"don't get any ideas ymir, i was drunk and it was in the heat of the moment."

"oh there was definitely heat." sasha giggled.

you tuned out the rest of the conversation, not really caring much about anything else beside how odd armin missing was.

when sixth period rolled around you wanted to call it a day and skip the class entirely. at least then maybe you'd be able to keep the little bit of dignity left from the week before. but, seeing him was inevitable, if not today then tomorrow or the next day or the next.

that rest of the class you stared directly forward, hoping actually paying attention would get your mind off the boy who sat right next to you. mr smith noticed and flashed a thumbs up, most likely believing last fridays exam was motivation to pay attention in class from now on. he was mistakenly wrong.

at first, a few glances were glanced armins way. it was surprisingly hard to keep all eyes off him. his stupid haircut and dingy glasses became adorable. his button-like nose was kissable, which made you think of the kiss.

later that evening you went home and continued studying, not because the idea of failing anything was worrying but because it's all that kept the complicated feelings inside you at bay.

everything was intended to be going perfectly. finally the boy of your dreams showed interest, you were able to cheer again, and your history grade was passing. you could thank armin for that part, his brilliant mind is truly unmatched, a great tutor.

armin.

somehow your thought process always traveled back to him. the attention that was once on studying trailed over to the sweater he'd lent you which was now placed gently on top of your bed. having completely forgotten to give it back, it became a staple in your room. had it been genuine need or just mindlessness, who knows, but suddenly you'd put it on without thought.

the warmth engulfed you full, just like how armins hand did. the heat was comforting, as always.

you were incredibly thankful nobody was able to witness this sudden vulnerability. the smell of him was still apparent. you fell back onto your bed with the collar held up to your nose. although the action struck as weird, it was soothing.

never had someone had an effect like this, a presence so intoxicating it became an addiction. savoring something as pathetic as his scent, it felt futile.

perhaps you'd fail upcoming quizzes to have armin tutor you again. would that suffice? no way. he told you he hadn't needed the extra credit from the beginning. mr. smith would most likely ask some other nerd, and you didn't feel like maybe falling for that one too considering this newfound interest you'd had in dorky boys.

had you made a mistake?

maybe if you'd shown more interest. maybe if you were less selfish. less desperate.

but had that promise meant nothing?

he'd seen you locked between reiners arms, but that was it. there was nothing more. in fact as much as it surprised you to say, you'd rather it have been armins.

you wanted him so badly. to hear his lessons again, to breathe in the air he did which smelled like ocean-fragranced cologne, to hold his warm hands while walking home.

but after friday night's disaster, it was likely he'd never want to talk to you again, his lack of recognition of you during fifth period proved that.

you studied until eventually falling asleep, arms resting across the scribbled notes. your head laid on top of them, the scent of armin still heavily laced in the fabric of the sweater.

it brought the clashing thoughts to rest, burying all the conflicting feelings deep below.