FLYING | Sequel of FALLEN (NaNoWriMo 2022 WINNER)

26.

We got to the United States a few days ago, Marcel and I. At first, it was all fun and new adventures. He was full of little affections and it felt so unreal. I was the luckiest woman in the world for those three magical days. People gathered for my book, which meant a lot because I didn't expect that people would have even heard of it. Marcel and I went to the greatest little Italian restaurant. I had tiramisu for the first time in my life. I had sex outside fo the country for the first time. I set foot outside of the country for the first time. Both jetlagged, Marcel and I used to go to sleep early and wake up at three or four in the morning. We went on walks and we talked. We talked about work, the emails I had received from Shelley and his mum. We talked about what we were going to do once we got back home. We talked about my birthday...

Yesterday, he received a call in the middle of the night. He took it and I woke up to see him walk to the balcony of our hotel room. I was about to fall back to sleep when my head started spinning with reasons why he would indeed take a call in the middle of the night, and why he seemed so secretive about it. He came back to bed and told me that it was only his mum calling about some urgent business. The next thing I knew, I woke up and his bag was packed telling me he had to go back to London for a day or two and would come back before I left New York City. There was no way to reason with him. Not even on my birthday...

We are the thirty-first of October. Halloween Day. My birthday. It's a day of celebration, but it's no celebration for me. I'm in Manhattan, New York. For the first time in my life. And I'm alone.

We drove to the Boston Logan International Airport, I flew to New York, and he left for England. I'm back in my hotel room, I finished my signing at Barnes And Nobles and he probably hasn't even landed in London yet.

My brothers and my parents texted me a happy birthday in our group chat during my signing, but even that doesn't bring a smile to my lips as I read all my notifications once my shoes are off and my bum lazily laid on the bed. It instead brings tears to my eyes. This is so not how I had planned today. I don't bother clicking on any messages to read them thoroughly. I wouldn't know what to answer them.

I feel emotionally drained, and all I want is to drown my sorrows in cake. I think today, I've earned the right to. I lean to my side to pick up the menu on my bedside table. I wince at the pain still stinging my bum when I sit or move. I order the most expensive dinner and ask for the kitchen to bake me a birthday cake with the extra charges added to my bill. Not only do they not turn down my order, they welcome it with open arms. It makes me happy that at least something will be right today. I thank them generously and hang up before tears roll down my face.

I roll back on the bed and look blankly at the ceiling. What was so important in London that he had to go back now and not in a few days? Why? Why the secrecy? He usually tells me everything about work or his mum. Why did it have to be on my birthday?

I spent my entire afternoon thinking and rethinking these questions. No answers came to mind. Edith had managed this far on her own, why the urgency? Technically, we had planned to fly by Montreal before coming back to England, but the tour ends in about a week. I can't believe he would abandon me at a time like this, in this big city, alone.

I don't know how long I spend replaying that phone call in my head. Not the words that were said, because Marcel made sure I didn't hear any of it, but the glances he gave me as he responded. The number of times he checked the glassed door to make sure it was closed. The haunted look on his face as he paced nervously on the balcony. I recalled every time he ran a hand through his locks. And how lost he had seemed as he pressed a hand on his face as if in disbelief. The call did not bother me as much as his reactions did. That's why I know that it couldn't have been his mum on the phone. Maybe he forgot to reschedule an appointment with his therapist. I can't think of anything else that would make him this distraught and abandon me like this.