FLYING | Sequel of FALLEN (NaNoWriMo 2022 WINNER)

42.

The tears have long dried.

I look around blankly, not knowing how I feel. I feel emotionally drained. I can barely make up a thought. The only conscious part of me feels nauseous.

Later, a new conscious part of me feels Marcel pressed against me. Rocking my body incessantly.

I don't know how much time later, I hear his voice, singing to me, his head pressed against mine.

Finally, when I feel like my soul reenters my body, I push everything away and gasp like I had been drowning for hours. I get on all four, still in the gym, my head down, breathing in and expanding my lungs to their widest. I fight my own body for control. I swallow hard, and breathe deeply.

I only raise my head when I'm fully back into my own mind, and in control of my body. Marcel is the first thing I see. And my heart breaks at his expression of fear and relief. He explodes with tears and a smile and surges from the blanket to embrace me to him again.

"Oh, my darling! Oh, my love!" He weeps against my neck, grasping me to him any and every way he can. "I was so scared."

"I'm OK." I breathe out, feeling utterly knackered, empty of any energy.

"You are not OK, Grace. Don't try to be tough."

"I'm not, I just want to go to bed."

"Just, at least, drink some water first." He sniffs back in his tears, and lets me go to get the bottle from his side. I drink all of its content, as he wraps me in the blanket again. "Are you sure you want to go to the bedroom upstairs?"

"Where are we?"

"Still in the gym."

"Where are Logan and Emma?"

"Away."

"I'm so sorry I ruined everything."

"Don't. Don't apologise. We shouldn't have done it in the first place."

"I wanted to."

"And clearly you don't know your limits. Your body's or your head's. I never want to be that scared again."

"I just needed a moment."

"Grace? We've been here for hours. That's not just a moment. I felt like you fainted, but you were still awake. And you've looked at me like you've been possessed for the last six hours, maybe."

"Possessed?"

"Like everything I love about you was gone."

I blink quickly, looking at everything around us. The mess. The loss of what could have been last night.

Like everything I love about you was gone.

His words play again in my head. And again. And again.

I don't want to think back on what went through my mind last night. I don't want to face what I've done either.

"Can you take me to bed and just hold me?" I ask him, only seeking the warmth of his love to bind back all the pieces of myself that broke again last night.

"I'll never let you leave my arms again."

"Even when I need to pee."

"I'll hold your hand still."

"You don't need to, you know. I'm OK."

"Grace? For the last six months I have been scared for your life. And I managed myself because I found ways to protect against outside evils. Seeing you last night, I couldn't protect you."