FLYING | Sequel of FALLEN (NaNoWriMo 2022 WINNER)

5.

I've been walking the time for my body to stop crying. It took a long time, but when it did stop, I felt better. I realise that despite being honest with Marcel, I don't owe him anything. We are better apart and this proves it. We are both too damaged to balance each other. It hurts. It's hard to face that reality, that I won't ever get to kiss him or hold him, because I do still feel for him. He is this wonderfully damaged but extraordinary intelligent person that I have loved so passionately and incredibly fast that has changed my life forever. He will be terribly missed, but from now on I must move on from him and move on in my life. I need to grow from that experience with every lesson I have learned on the way.

I'm half way on Parliament Hill when my cell phone rings. I know who it is without even looking at my caller ID. I don't mind his call. I'm calm and reasoned now.

"Hey." My tone is soft, but my greeting is brief.

"Hey." He cooes, his voice being the sweetest thing. "Where are you? I can't find you."

"I needed to walk. I needed to think. I wasn't expecting to tell you all this. I don't know why I did."

"I'm glad that you did. It was hard thinking you went through something so wrong."

"Yeah, well, I can't change what happened." I sigh, and set my gaze on an empty park bench overlooking the city. I take a seat before speaking to him again. "I just wanted you to understand my need to find myself before getting involved with somebody again."

Even though I feel calm having this discussion with him, I can feel and hear my heart's deep but slow poundings. For a moment, it's silent between us through the phone. I hear birds chirping on his side, and then I hear him sigh.

"I'm sorry about what I did to you. From your point of view, I understand how traumatic it must have been, to get out of a problematic relationship to get into another. I'm sorry I'm only bad memories to you." He says delicately, thinking every word through before saying them.

"You are not only bad memories." I let out slowly.

There's again a silent pause between us. I enjoy it. For once, it's easy to communicate. And I truly feel like he realises the gravity of his actions, of what he did, and how badly it has affected me.

"I loved you, Marcel. I really did." I breathe out silently, my heart beating louder than the sound of my own voice.

"Do you think you could ever love me that way again?" He risks himself, his voice cracking a little with doubt and desperation.

"It could never be the way it was. We had a false and wrong foundation. I'm not saying never. Just... not now. I need time."

He doesn't respond anything. So I get up and start walking my way to Dartmouth Park, hoping this change of scenery will bring up a subject that we can talk about. I don't want to hang up. I'm content just hearing him walk and breathe, but I hear the familiar sound of his keys unlocking his car in the distance.

"Could you pick me up?"

"Of course."

"Dartmouth Park."

"I'll be there in a couple of seconds." He answers and hangs up the phone.

I don't have the time to feel lonely for a second when I hear a car pulling up. I walk faster to the road ahead to see him. I smile at him when our sights cross. I let him open my door for me and sit in silence.

Once he's sitting back behind the wheel, he ignites the car and looks at me. "Where to now?"

A crazy idea strikes my mind. Before any notion of realism shuts it down, I answer him.