FLYING | Sequel of FALLEN (NaNoWriMo 2022 WINNER)

35.

I can't sleep. I can't sleep and I can't even think straight. I'm still wearing the wool jumper I wore earlier, but despite the colder air in the veranda, I'm sweating like crazy. I try to make sense of what happened. What led me here, to overwork the details of Mace's hair. Why isn't this the greatest moment of my life?

I close my eyes again and feel the sculpture under my thumbs for what seems like the twentieth time. The arc of his brows, the bridge of his nose, his lips, his jaw. They all seem true to life. I soften the edges inside of his ears. I obsess over ridiculous details. The sculpture is done. It has been done for hours now. I just can't leave it alone to join a hopeful Marcel in the bedroom.

"Marry me." He pours his heart to me, his eyes as sparkly as they have ever been. "Marry me, Grace."

"What?" I only respond, the air knocked out of my lungs. I relive our conversation in my head and what might have inclined him to go from one extreme to another.

"Marry me. I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

"Marcel, you have just told me our lives were in danger. That you've been lying to me for months. I love you, but this is insane."

"I'm insane about you."

"This isn't real. You are scared to lose me if anything happens. You don't really want to marry me."

"You have already accepted to be collared by me. You have accepted to move in with me. This is just the next reasonable step."

"Reasonable? There's nothing reasonable about this whole situation. We were already moving really fast."

"We don't have to get married right away. I just want you to know you are all I want."

"You just need to say it."

"When we'll be called to court, and you see Kate, saying it won't be enough."

"You're right..."

"Don't you want to marry me?"

"I want to. I just feel like we're not ready. I'm not ready."

"Why don't you feel ready?"

"I don't feel like I'm my greatest self. I have issues to work on. I have to find out what I want out of life. Where I'm destined to be."

"And that might not be with me?"

"This isn't what I'm saying at all. I love you. I love you so much, Mace, I'm obsessed with you. That's why I want to forge my own identity before I give myself entirely to you. But I do love you, so, so much."

"I don't need you to be perfect. I want to marry you, to grow with you, to learn with you, to love Harry Potter with you."

"Don't make this more difficult than it is. I don't want to say no to you."

"Then don't say anything at all. I'll wait for you. For as long as it takes."

My heart is thumping in my chest, and dizziness catches me. Why couldn't I say yes to him? The moment was perfect. We had been truthful with each other. Everything came to light. He showed me his true colours. He explained everything he did to protect me, while I thought he was being selfish by imposing himself on me on this tour. Although I was furious about the Kate thing, his logic was sound. And I trust him. I trust when he says that she doesn't have a hold on him anymore. But clearly someone still has. The way he reacted to the mention of Kristoff Alexander scared the hell out of me. I had never seen Marcel react that guarded before. It was like he was seeing a ghost. It brings my train of thought to other rising questions. If he is that terrible a man, why would Kate marry him? The answers come more easily than I thought. Money. And maybe because like calls to like. Evil attracts evil. As simple as that.