video log // dreamwastaken (sequel to start over)

Day ∞ | Trapped

"Hi." She responses softly, almost hesitant to even enter her own home. She won't look at me, she's doing everything in her power to walk in and not acknowledge me any further. It hurts, it does, but I understand.

A good few minute pass with awkward silence. Nameless sets her things down and just looks at us invading her space. She doesn't want us here. It's written in her body language quite clearly. She's only done this because deep down she'll always care about us. She can't help but always give in to people she loves.

Thankfully, Nick can't handle silence to save his life. He speaks but he says words I don't expect him to say. And once he's finished, I kind of wish he would have just kept to the awkward silence. "George I think we should let the two of them talk. It's clear there is a lot that has been left unsaid between them. We all know she's seeing someone. We all know that Clay is hurt by that. We all know that she is hurt by how Clay left her. They need to talk alone. Let's just go for a walk and let the two of them be."

Before I can stop my friends from leaving they're out the door. I'm left alone with her and I don't even know where to begin. I don't know if she'll even listen if I start. She's made it very clear she doesn't want this. She doesn't want to be alone with me. She was trapped and I didn't want her to feel cornered. Definitely not in her own home.

A long period of time passes. It feels like years, but I know that it's only a few minutes. The eerie silence and awkward tension definitely makes it all just so much harder to stand here like this. I decided finally to speak, to break the tension, but like we are operating in one brain, we both go to speak at the same time.

The tender funny moment is short lived with a smile that doesn't last long. Our emotions quickly rush back to where they had been and I usher her to speak first. It's only right. I hurt her. She deserves to see her p's and q's first.

"Why did you come? You knew I was seeing someone." Immediately her voice sends me spiraling. I can't seem to look at her but also all I want to do is look at her. I'm trying every way possible to see her without seeing her. And I can't help but wonder how absolutely insane I must look.

That thought doesn't stay long though. She's waiting for an answer to her question. I know the answer but I needed to formulate the right words. One slip and I could ruin everything all over again. This was the only shot I had left. And I felt guilty for even trying to steal it.

Once the words start falling together in my mind they start slipping past my lips like things on water slides on hot summer days. "Because I'm jealous. Seeing you kiss another person when I want you, hurts. It's the same issue I've had for years. I thought maybe seeing you again would convince myself, convince you that we need each other again. I don't know."

As I get to the end of my thoughts frustration at myself takes over. I run my fingers through my hair and my reflection shows an image I've stared at for quite some time now. It's a side of me I've always tried to hide from Nameless. I always wanted to be the best version of myself around her. I wasn't that now.

"Do you know how hard it is for me to look at you right now? Every single part of me wants to jump into your arms and hold you. Take away your pain. Every part of me wants to kiss you again and make you love me again. But I have another person. I can't hurt this person because you decided all of a sudden that we've had enough time apart." The words that pass through her lips hurt. And they should.

They don't hurt because she's evil, they hurt because I am. She hasn't gotten over me. And if my actions haven't made her stop, nothing will. She's trapped in my spell trying to move forward and here I was ripping her straight back. None of this was fair to her. But as bad as it sounds, I didn't care.

I am a selfish person. I want what I want and I will fight tooth and nail to have it. I don't give up easily. It's how I've become the successful person I am. I see goals and I drive for them. I don't stop until their mine. Of course this was different, a person with emotions and feelings was involved. But I was going to try everything I had to make her mine again. The potential was there, I just needed to find the right timing.

The timing of it all came easily. I knew what Nameless looked like when her walls would break. I knew how to time my attack perfectly. This wasn't a game of chance. Just a crime of opportunity. I was doing what I had to in order to get what everyone wanted in the end. That includes what Nameless wanted as well.

Her leg bounces in an anxious tick. Her walls slowly coming down before my eyes. I watch as she slips her lip between her teeth to hold back any more rogue thoughts from spewing from her mouth. I'm sure she never wanted me to know how much she wishes to kiss me. All she's doing is distracting her mind from me, from slipping into my always existing trap.

It was time to throw my bait. It was time to hook, line, and sinker it. "Please hold me." My voice breaks as I speak. I don't mean it, but it sells my brokenness more that I intended.

I lean in just slightly. Knowing my voice won't project the way I want it to. "Please." I say softly, the word almost unheard by the two of us. A part of me questions if a sound came out at all. She knows me enough though. Her eyes focus on my lips when I speak. She can read my lips well enough to grant my pleas hopefully.

"Clay..." She whispers softly. It's a plead to not make her do it. Her voice beckons me though. My eyes rise slowly to meet hers. It's the first proper time we've locked eyes.

Once that connection happens I let out one finally plea. My puppy dog eyes just begging for her warmth. And before the word even finishes she's standing up from the couch to meet me. She falls into my lap and wraps her arms around me. Almost as if my body was a seat specifically made for her. And it was made for just that as well.

The moment she makes contact it's like the worries of all this time vanish. My body that's been stiff and rigid for months releases and I relax with her in my arms. I've only spent every night since she left dreaming of this moment. I couldn't believe it was actually here.

I feel complete again, like my entire life is finally coming to the point it's supposed to be at. I haven't felt more alive than in this moment. Getting her back, holding her, it's even more than I've dreamed of. It's perfect.

I lean in closer to her, smelling the woes of her day on her skin. It's a perfect mix of her and whatever scented perfume she threw on for the day. It's quite heavenly.

I place a gentle kiss to her cheek. I don't do it to claim her or to try and reel her back in. I do it out of habit and comfort. It feels right. I don't know why I ever let her go. It was dumb of me. I could have had this feeling forever. Instead I let it all slip away for nothing but pain.

My brain takes over. I don't think, things just begin to fall from my mouth. "I love you. I am madly in love with you love." I don't realize what I've been saying until I read the expression on her face.

I can't feel by the way her chest raises and never falls that my words have caught her off guard. This was the furthest thing than what she expected. But in a way, I can also read that it's what she wants. She misses it.

For the first time, she takes her own action and reaches up to hold my cheek in her palm. I nuzzle myself into her warmth and close my eyes to bask in the happiness it brings. We are two magnets forever indebted to each other.

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guys, something about that last night fucking gets me. i edit chapters and then write these little blurbs and holy bell that last line in fire. i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did.

if you're feeling snazzy make sure to vote and leave a comment telling me how you're doing!

much love, ashley