video log // dreamwastaken (sequel to start over)

Day ∞ | Therapy

With her done and gone I decide that I should probably talk to Nick and George about everything. Not specially about Nameless coming back, but more about if they've spoken to her at all. I hoped they were reaching out to each other, but just because I hoped it, doesn't mean it was happening.

I go to George's room to find his space empty so I try Nick's next. They're both sat at Nick's computer just watching stupid shit. Kind of a normal occurrence around here. It's either that or they've gone out to get food without me. Pretty typical given past circumstances.

"We'll look who decided to join us." Nick comments almost immediately.

"No one's live or on call or anything right?" I ask hesitantly. I'm met with the response I hope. "Alright. Do you mind if we talk?"

They both turn their attention toward me. It's not without a bit of struggle though. My friends always have excuses ready and in hand. But that normal. Because I do the same. If I don't want to do something you best believe I'm coming up with any excuse known to man. I did it while Nameless was gone. Everyone knows that.

"Have you guys talked with her at all?" I lean up against the wall of Nick's office. I know I should probably pace instead but I knew if I did that I'd get called out for my antsiness. This was worse for me but the better for them option.

"Not much." George responds first. My eyes quickly dart to Nick for his response but he seems a bit put off by the question. Almost like my question has annoyed him.

"Nick?" I push for his answer and I'm met with malice attitude in return.

"What George said." His mumbled words suck. I hate that he's hurting because of something I did. That really fucking sucked.

"You want your friend back." I drop my head and move away from the wall. Fuck this not pacing bullshit. I place my hands in my pockets as I walk circles in front of my two best friends.

"No shit." Nick bites, turning his chair back around and returning to whatever him and George were doing before I arrived.

"She'll be back soon." I whisper. But I think with the hostile vibe I've brought into this room I think it's best I depart. "Sorry for ruining everything." I leave Sap's office and return to my numbing room.

I pass Nameless's room on the way and I contemplate going there instead but decide against it. Nothing would be good enough now that I knew she was coming home. Instead I sit down at my computer and turn on the camera that has become my life line.

"Hi my love." I wave at the camera and paint a fake smile on my face. I know she'll see right through the fakeness of my smile but I still felt the need to portray that I was happy.

"I still can't believe you're coming home." I hear footsteps outside my door and I go quiet before I speak anymore. I wait until I hear no more sounds before continuing on my daily logging adventures.

"I know you're afraid. I won't let anything happen to you though. You're safe here. I've kept you safe the best I could when I've had you and even when I haven't. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you finally have the life you deserve." I sigh as I think about my sad friends.

"You really need to talk with Nick and George more. I know that you're busy trying to figure out the maze I've thrown you into but they need you as much as I do. Nick misses his partner in crime. The one that always took his side. His cuddle buddy late at night. I want that back for you. Both of you." I glance toward my door hearing noise outside it again.

As much as I share this video log to my friends. I only show them what I want to. I don't want them to see it all. I don't want them to see this. The part where I genuinely am concerned more about them than me losing her. They'd never let me show their weaknesses. But I needed to get it out of my head to let the good thoughts in. This was my way of doing that. My own personal form of therapy.

"George will take it either way. Either you're there or you're gone. He hurts but he won't let you know. I don't fear his pain like I fear Nick's. Nick is one who bottles things up until he detonates and everything goes miserably wrong. We've all seen it happen. It's a mess you've helped me clean up before. I don't want you being the cause of one of those moments." I huff. I'm frustrated that I'm blaming her but she should make an effort to them. They're just as important if not more important than I am. They mean just as much.

"I love you Aps. God damn I love you. I just hope you're really truly ready to accept us all back. Because if Nick and George aren't as much as priority as I am in your life. You're tainting what once was so beautiful." I look at the camera.

"Until tomorrow." I end the recording and slam my head lightly into my desk.

Nothing is ever easy. Not because nothing is easy but because I make everything difficult. Not just for me. But for every single person around me. Talk about a drama queen. That's clearly just who I am at this point.

I hear knuckles rap against my door the moment I end the recording but I wait a few seconds before responding. When I call for whomever to enter, Nick steps in.

"I don't mean to be upset with you. Or even her. I've just lost two of my best friends these past few months and it fucking blows. I can make new ones but no one replaces you or her." Nick shrugs. "I just needed to say that."

Nick turns to leave but I stop him before he walks out. "I'm back. She's back. Give her a little more time. I promise. I can feel it. Everything will be normal soon enough. We've waited this long. A few more days or weeks won't kill us ... I hope."

A slight smile pulls at the corner of his lips. A little chuckle escapes his mouth as he shakes his head and retreats back to George.

For everyone's sake I hope everything returns to what it once was, because I don't know how much longer any of us will survive if we keep defeating ourselves.

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Poor sap man. Kid always gets the shit end of the stick. It sucks. But he always gets the good side right? I mean they did fuck 😂

Anyways, I hope you're all having an amazing day! Don't forget to send some love.

Much love, Ashley