Malay Natin: Siguro Tayo

CXXIX

Part 129

The knockouts were always hard.

And each time, the critical hits were thrown by the voices in her head.

She tried her best to shut them out. Maybe it was just her insecurities overpowering her drive. Maybe those weren't the truths of her parents.

But those voices have always been validated by the silence, the neglect, the inactions, and the no-shows.

Nika immediately retrieved her hand from Miko when the tears she was swallowing all day long suddenly burst out, it was then coupled by her labored breathing which came unannounced too.

Napayuko siya't sinikap niya ring kagatin nang mariin ang labi niya para hindi siya tuluyang humikbi.

But when she felt his hand gently stroking her back, muffling her cries seemed impossible.

She couldn't do anything else but to seek some support in his arms.

He noticed how her shoulders were terribly shaking when she buried her face in his chest just to be able to contain the sound of her cries.

Nakakahiya, isip-isip ni Nika. She didn't want to cry. All day, she did her very best not to cry.

But maybe it still hurt too much.

That the pain and the tireless waiting and hoping and understanding of her five-year old version were still felt after decades and decades of willfully forgetting and suppressing and convincing herself that she was fine. And crying about it wouldn't change anything at all.

Her memories in every birthday she had through all of the passing years were still vivid. Like a montage flashing at the back of her mind, so clear and profound, like they all happened earlier this day.

Nika bit her lip harder.

Because it also took everything in her to finally admit that she wasn't okay.

"Just cry it out, it's all right," Miko said, softly whispering those words to her. He held her closer and tighter.

And with the way his hand was gently stroking her back, Nika had no other choice but to give in.

She buried her face in his chest even more when it was too hard to control the sound of her cries.

They stayed like that for a while. Not saying anything else. Just the two of them and not minding anyone else around.

Nika, curled up in his arms and crying on his chest. Miko, pressing soft little kisses on her hair while caressing her back.

Slowly and little by little, the shaking of her shoulders and sobs and hiccups faded away.

"Miko . . . "

"Hmm?"

She sniffed. "P'wede mo ba akong abutan ng tissue d'yan sa lamesa," she said, still keeping her face hidden in his chest.

Agad niya namang patagong pinunasan ang mukha niya nang abutan siya ni Miko ng tissue.

Nika tried to fix her hair too while heaving deep breaths so her breathing could catch on.