Malay Natin: Siguro Tayo

CXXVII

Part 127

There were a few people at the al fresco when they arrived. Bukas na rin ang ilaw sa restaurant dahil dumidilim na rin sa paligid.

Nika and Miko sat beside each other. They also got a few drinks and sisig and shanghai off the menu.

"I should've bought you a cake—"

"'Wag," Nika said, cutting him off.

"But why? It's your birthday."

"Alam ko. Pero 'wag. Saka 'di naman kailangan," sabi ni Nika. She turned her attention away, fiddling with the sticker label on the bottle of her flavored beer.

He sighed, staring at her for a moment. Miko suddenly recalled what Lana told him earlier.

"Nika? Can I ask?"

"Sige lang. Alam ko namang marami kang tanong. Kanina ko pa nga hinihintay, e."

"Why do you hate your birthday?" he asked.

Napahinto si Nika't napalingon sa kanya. "Ha? Paano mo nalaman 'yan?"

"Your friend told me about it. Sabi niya 'wag daw kita babatiin kasi ayaw mo raw sa birthday mo."

"Ah . . . " Napatango si Nika.

Kaya naman pala, isip-isip niya.

"Masunurin ka rin talaga 'no? 'Di mo rin ako binati," sabi ni Nika.

Her lips were twitched on both corners, but he knew that that wasn't a smile.

Of course, his mind whispered.

Miko wouldn't want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable. It was probably difficult for her, too. Being reminded of something she didn't want a reminder of.

He wasn't entirely sure what that would be, but he's certain it most definitely have to do something about her parents. Especially her mom.

He didn't say anything else. He didn't want to pry or ask further, to set foot on areas he wasn't invited to.

But it would've been nice if she didn't hate her birthday. If Miko knew someone who likes birthdays, it's his cousin, Andy. She makes a big deal out of it, throws the most fun and best surprise parties despite her busy schedule.

If only he knew, he would've asked for Andy's help for Nika's birthday. She deserves to be celebrated, too.

His thoughts lingered especially when Nika rested her head on his shoulder, feeling the wind on her cheeks.

She lost count on how many times she has taken a deep breath for the day. She could feel the tears hanging at the edge of her eyes again.

Nawala na 'yon kanina. But with Miko around, she couldn't understand why she's feeling these sort of things. 

Like there was something in her chest being melted away. Warm and soft. Then, something deep within was telling her let that it's all right to let the high walls vanish.

It's okay, you're somewhere safe, said the reassuring voice on her mind.

She doesn't quite know where it's coming from.

And for the first time, Miko reached for her hand.

"You know, I told Andy one time that I was missing you. She said she never knew I could be like that," he said while playing with her fingers.

"Like what?"

"Whipped."

Medyo natawa si Nika. "Talaga? Whipped?"

He nodded, a smile lingered on his lips, too. "Yes. Kasi kakikita lang din natin no'n. And katulad din ng sinabi mo kanina. We just talked last night, but I still missed you."

The smile on her face was edging into a grin now. "Grabe! So whipped ka nga talaga sa akin? Lakas ko naman sa 'yo," pang-aasar niya kay Miko.

But then the grin on her face faded away . . . little by little  when Miko slowly laced their fingers together.

"You can say whatever you want. Perhaps I'm whipped. Siguro nga malakas din tama ko sa 'yo," he said, pausing for a while to take a deep breath.

"If that's how I really seem, then it's fine."

"Bakit . . . " Nika's voice almost came out like whisper. Especially when she could almost feel the beating in her throat.

"Nika," he called.

"Hmm?"

"I don't know if I already told you this but we were trained to always keep our emotions to ourselves. Even at home. We weren't allowed to throw tantrums and to easily feel excited. We were always told to keep our composure especially when there's a decision to make. We were taught to keep our logic, our critical thinking, and rationality intact because that's what we need in our field. I can't be emotional in front of a client, I can't be too attached to a case, I shouldn't empathize too quickly. Not to care too quickly."

"Miko . . . " She swallowed. "Ano bang gusto mong sabihin?"

And it's as if they weren't already close enough for him to still inch towards her to seal the remaining gap.

"What I'm trying to say is I have never admitted that I missed anything before. Let alone, someone. I missed my parents, but I never told them I missed them. I miss my friends sometimes, but I never told them that, too."

Nika took in a deep breath, probably for the hundredth time. But it was for a different reason now. Because her cheeks were warming up and the tears hanging at the edge of her eyes were beginning to pool when she was slowly realizing what he's trying to say.

"It felt so freeing to admit that I miss you. That I could be honest with my feelings around you. And I'm not embarrassed of what or how it would make me look like. Kasi totoo naman. I did miss you."

"Miko," she called, her voice trailing off.

"I missed you, Nika. And I wish I could do anything to make this day better for you," he said.

What he didn't know was he already did.