tell me a story

when im gone

there was no way anything could hurt more than this. jackie didnt remember me

me.

depression set in.

and because i cant get drunk, there was no way to curb the pain. 

it was my fault she was this way. i was the one who pressured her to leave red room with me. she was broken because of me. she was lost and gone because of me. we should have just stayed in red room. i would have my best friend still. 

and my adoptive mother. 

'y/n when im gone, you cant be sad for me okay?' she would always tell me. but was there a way out of this pit? was there a way to not feel sad anymore?

there was so many day after that that i would stand on the balcony above her cage and watch her. (just imagine for me, if you will, that shes held in a cage like the one loki was held in the first avengers movie.) 

'hey.' tasha walked up to me, standing over jackie on the balcony, 'were going out tonight.'

'i dont feel like it.' i said, never letting my eyes leave jackie. 

'ive already told steve and clint. come on y/n. were trained assassins, taught to be relentless and numb to emotion.' tasha nudged me, 'so go get dressed in something hot cause were going to the new club.'

'does seats, crop top and a messy bun work?' i asked, still watching jackie and leaning on the railing. 

'umm, no. i was thinking maybe a dress and curled hair, and pair of steletos.' tasha chuckled. 

'dont have any. i threw all that away after ollie and i broke up. it was a bad reminder of him.' i said. 

'then your wearing one of mine. lets go.' tasha grabbed my hand. 

i took one last look back at jackie. she stared up at me, looking afraid and like there was a familiarity about something she saw in her eyes.