digital dance - poetry

to be good for each other would be a cosmic improbability

there is something about you
that makes me hope
with every ragged breath in my body
every broken bone from the girls who did not love me like they promised to
every cat-scratch scar painted neatly across my skin
that i could be good for you
and you for i

lets rewind

i have loved and been left in a way that should never have happened once
let alone twice
by girls who must have shared scripts on how best to crack every one of my damned ribs

you have left and been left more times than i am sure i will ever completely know
these leavings encompass a whole world of girls i know, friends who i comforted after their separation from you

friends who may not forgive me for what i fear i do not have the will to stop

this is not the only tape
rewind again

you and i must be born from the same stardust
forged from the same ash of a collapsing sun
because how else could we understand each other like this
what else could explain the dream we built of an A-frame cabin nestled among the blue ridge foothills
so far before your lips ever considered meeting mine

did i tell you about the way i used to avoid you at parties when you still fucked my friends?

i didnt try to escape your gravity because i was scared that you were a black hole, drawing me in with intent to devour
i tried to circumvent your orbit because i knew that i wouldnt be able to keep myself from sitting with you at the edge of that party, talking about anything at all until we were the only ones left when the speakers were finally packed away and the night grew still as the alcohol-drowned crowd stumbled their way home

after that weekend
(the one where we were the final drunkards in the empty courtyard. the one where you came into my apartment the next evening, doing nothing more than sitting and talking until the sun started to show his fingers above the dirty waters of that godforsaken lake)
you and i grew together once more
like we always did
establishing tendrils of roots into rocky soil
our fertilizer was nothing more
than an a-frame dream
and fiddle backed melodies
but still we reached together towards the sun
and now
i cannot stand the thought of
sharing my soil
inhospitable as it may be
with any roots besides your own

i cannot stop myself from cradling this dream
of you and i
finally blooming
(together)

the ways in which your eyes hold the power to break me into a million shattered pieces of glass are infinite
and
the ways in which the blood underneath my paper-thin skin could drown you are equally as infinite

i want to propose a deal
you keep your beautiful eyes
your almost-ginger hair
the ribcage your mother gave you
your stunning mind
and spring-water soul
just promise not to use them against me
and i will spend as many of the moments as you will let me
reminding you of all that is beautiful within you

in return
i will share all the pieces of myself you tell me you find beautiful
even if i cannot understand why you have chosen to perceive me in a way i am not always sure i deserve
and i promise not to use them against you

maybe one day
we can build an A-frame cabin
it can have a little porch overlooking the valley
and every plant adorning the windowsills will have a name
you can learn the fiddle and i can learn the banjo
maybe the dogs will even be friendly with the cats

if we make it to the valley
it is okay with me if you have a wife and so do i
even if right now i would really prefer that it was my spine aligned with yours
as long as i still get to love you in the same way that the ocean loves the shore and the river loves the canyon
as long as you and i share the same pieces of the universe built into our skeletons

i will be grateful to love you in any context the cosmos provides