digital dance - poetry

rambles

he surprised me in the summer
when i would have done anything for him
and he was "just seeing what else was out there"

and that was it
the stars that connected our atoms fragmented like they once had eons ago

it was not final
he kept me attached with inconsistencies
and i loved him too much to leave

i do not know why i am never enough for them to stay

i do not know why she met a boy in the mcdonalds drive-through that held more allure than the times i almost died for her

i do not know why she fell in love with the girl who cannot keep a single friend and never found the decency to leave me for her

i do not know why she hated when i smoked but when someone thinner and prettier offered her a hit she took it happily

i do not know why she could offer him so much more that he will date her immediately when i dont know if his friends ever truly knew about me after months

i do not know why i keep getting replaced so easily

what lesson do i teach them
what is my role in this
because the lessons i am learning
terrify me

i may never be enough
safe enough
fun enough
blonde enough
thin enough
sick enough
well enough
smart enough
stupid enough
emotional enough
calm enough

is there anything i can do
to be enough

perhaps not
maybe my role is to be the experience they need before they choose to unconditionally love another

if my dog dies before i am twenty-seven
i think i may kill myself in june that year