All My Fanfics

He Didn't Cry

Summary: Phil dies and Dan doesnt know how to react.
Warnings: death, suicide, yep. besically death fic. i dont know about this one. it was kinda a stream of consciousness so yeah.
word count: 702, YAY please read it thanks

You really don't know what you have until it's gone.

Dan didn't know how much Phil meant to him until Phil was ripped from the fabric of his life, so violently that Dan was left with the universe and no stars. Sure, he knew Phil was important, but when he saw Phil's guts on the road, all strings tying him to his sanity just went snip and the world was grey.

Dan remembered the last time they spoke to each other. "Dan, I'm going to Tesco, are we short of anything?" He had yelled, halfway out the door.

"Phil, come back please," Dan had replied, stretching out the 'i' in Phil and and the 'ea' in please. Phil laughed, stepping back into the house briefly to kiss Dan's temple, and exited once again. "Can we just put on Avatar for the millionth time and miss the whole movie because we're too busy making out on the sofa like horny teenagers?" Dan mumbled, holding Phil's arm to prevent him from leaving.

"Bye, Dan. I love you very much but I also really want ice cream." Phil said with finality, pulling his arm away. "I love you!" he repeated.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you turnip."
That was their last encounter. The last words Dan said to Phil were calling him a turnip. A fucking turnip. Dan thought about this at he lay in Phil's bed, the striking blue and green which he had always thought - inwardly; he would never let Phil know this - were comforting and happy, suddenly a reminder that Phil was gone. He was gone. But it couldn't be. Dan got off the bed and opened Phil's closet, taking out that stupid star t-shirt and breathing in the remains of Phil's scent. He hadn't cried since he found out, which Chris and PJ found extremely odd. They were taking it very badly, and every few days they would go to Dan's house to check on him, only to find him acting like everything was fine and dandy, like nothing went wrong.

"Dan... we're worried about you," they told him and he served them homemade mexican. "You're taking the news... too well. You guys loved each other so much, I would've thought -"

"He's not dead. Don't you get it? They must have made mistake or something the DNA was tampered with he could've got abducted or something he's just not dead okay?" he shouted, going into a hysterical frenzy. Chris and PJ glanced at each other, then looked back at Dan, who had gone back to normal. What could they do but nod?
___________
The internet, on the other hand, had blown up. There were entire websites dedicated to Phil's memory, and the YouTube account had made a montage of Phil moments. #AmazingPhilLivesOn trended worldwide on twitter for a week straight and #StayStrongDan trended for three days.

Dan resigned from BBC Radio 1 four shows after Phil's death. Each of those shows were tributes, filled with Phil's favourite songs and funniest moments. Dan didn't cry at all. Not once.

Dan reached home after the trip to the station to turn in his letter of resignation. He opened the door and shouted, "Phil, I'm home!", involuntarily. He heard his voice echo in the eerie silence and he didn't know how to react to the nothingness.
He went to the sofa to sit but realised something. Phil's dent was gone. He sprinted to Phil's room. The dent was gone. He sprinted to his own room. No dent. He returned to Phil's room and opened his closet. He took out the star shirt and smelled it. Nothing.

Phil was gone. Phil was gone. He was gone and he would never be back. He was disappearing from Dan's life bit by bit. And Dan didn't know what to do about it.
The black abyss that had been threatening to swallow Dan whole suddenly did and Dan was walking to the bathroom faster than he thought possible and he took out the bottle of pills and before he knew it he was lying on the floor getting weaker and weaker and he took out his phone and called 'Phil <3' and sent him a voicemail saying, "I d-didn't c-cry."