Sage

71

"One, two, and push,"

A choked cry leaves Ellie's swollen lips as she tenses her body so hard a vein protrudes through her sweating forehead. My heart beats so fucking fast as she does, and I'm surprised it hasn't jumped onto the floor as I continue to shower her with compliments. It's all I know how to do.

I sit behind her in the small bed, her body between my legs and her back against my chest. My large frame is uncomfortable, but I don't dare complain. Instead, I squeeze her shoulders and pepper kisses to the base of her sweating neck. The room's coolness has grown into a humid mess, making the hairs on my edge line stick against my forehead and a pool of swear build in my underarms.

"Fuck, I can't do this!" She drawls out a pained cry that makes my chest constrict and my eyes water. Her head falls back onto my shoulder, and I immediately raise my hand to smooth her hair back; her bonnet haven fallen off a few minutes ago from the violent trembles and shakes. Niall, Jenny, and Gale all waited outside the room since she was only allowed one visitor, and Mum was on the way, likely in a Taxi that sped across the wet pavement of the city as she rushed to get here. There was only an hour from her epidural and Pitocin before she was announced ready to push, and it's been a hectic mess since.

"Yes, you can, baby," I cooed in her ear, kissing it. "You got this; just keep pushing. Keep pushing,"

And she does, another minimalistic growl echoing in the room, harmonizing with the doctor's counts and my endless encouragement. No matter how much I give, I feel it'll never be enough. This experience is nowhere near how I imagined it would be. I've read so much about the warmness you'd feel watching your child being born, but no one prepared me to see Ellie in this much pain. It's pure agony, and my heart breaks with each tear that rolls down her cheek, only to mend again at the thought of each push bringing me closer and closer to my child. It almost feels selfish.

"You got this, El. I promise you do," My words crack into a small smile at my pure admiration for her. Sweaty forehead, snot dribbling down her nose and all. She's a fucking God.

"It's so hard," She tells me, her breathy words mixing with a tired whimper.

"I know; just a few more pushes, though and you get to meet her," I say, hoping that the thought of her wishes for a daughter would calm her. It worked for me, though I was previously confident about having a son. All I imagined was the image of the little girl Ellie painted in my mind those weeks ago. Having a daughter would be easier than having a son. I didn't realize it until recently.

I feared that having a son would compel me to become my father.

She nods and exhales a breath through her nose, "Sh-She'll have your nose...I can feel it,"

"You can feel it," I repeat with a weak chuckle.

"Mhm, and- oh, God- and your eyes,"

"Well, we won't ever know if we don't see her, will we?" I say, giving her cheek a nudge with my nose. "So you gotta push, yeah?"

She nods once more, her sweet voice cracking as she agrees, "Yeah..."

"Yeah?" I rub my hand up her warm skin, reminder her that I love her just as the doctor speaks.

"And one, two, three..."

I feel my pulse thumping dramatically as I take a deep breath to calm myself. Ellie pushes with all her strength, her head tumbling back on my shoulder and her eyes screwing shut. I feel her body tense underneath me, making me hug her closer, burying my nose in the crook of her shoulder. "Come on, my sweet girl, come on, push," I murmur into the skin while continuing to stroke her forehead.