All The Wild Ones | Wildfire Series

Room Service - Bonus

N E S S A

Every time Grayson and I left on a trip without Gabriel, I spent the first few hours worrying that we'd made the wrong choice in not bringing him. And while I hadn't actually said a thing about it, Grayson just knew.

"He's going to have way more fun with Beau than if he came with us. There's no place for him to run around in a stuffy Manhattan hotel. But I'm sure he's already outside playing—" He scrunched his nose. "—basketball with Beau."

I tried to swipe discreetly at my eyes. It wasn't my fault. It was the pregnancy hormones. "I know."

Logically, yes, I knew Grayson was right. But a few months ago, my world had been flipped upside down. Learning that Gabriel had actually inherited Grayson's heart condition was one of the worst moments in my life—right up there with finding out from Julian that Grayson had been in a coma. My boys had the best hearts, and it didn't seem fair for both of them to go through that.

I was absolutely devastated, but it hit Grayson even harder. And amidst all that grief, we both had a swirl of guilt. What ifs lingered in our brains constantly.

What if we hadn't decided to get a second opinion from Grayson's medical team back home?

What if we'd missed it completely?

What if something had happened?

Grayson and I both knew that we couldn't live like that. After all, Gabriel had surgery to correct his aorta, and he was fine. Just like Grayson had recovered from his stroke to remain perfectly healthy all these years. Things would be okay.

And yet, we struggled to let it go. We were struggling before we realized we were expecting another child. But afterward...Let's just say I'd been paralyzed with fear ever since learning I was pregnant again.

Grayson, too.

I hated that my pregnancy announcement had been bittersweet in that way. Another child was something Gray had wanted for so long, and now I could tell that he hadn't stopped worrying since the day I told him. He was terrified that it would happen again. That both of our children would be born with congenital heart defects.

That was why he decided to talk to Julian about legal action. He felt powerless in all this, and while suing the hospital that failed to diagnose Gabriel wouldn't solve any of our problems, at least he felt like he was doing something. I understood that.

But most importantly, I wanted anything that might take Grayson's pain away. My ridiculously perfect man didn't know how to handle that his one fatal imperfection had affected our son and possibly our future child, too. The guilt I felt was nothing compared to what he felt, and I just wanted to take it away. He didn't deserve to feel this way—not one bit.

"Everything's going to be okay," Grayson murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

I wished I could make him believe the same, but for now, all I did was nod and snuggle into his side. We were sitting first class on a packed flight to New York, and I suddenly regretted not taking Beau's private jet. He offered, but that seemed excessive. I couldn't borrow a plane whenever I had a gig in a different state, like this weekend.

I wouldn't mind a bit of alone time, though. I'd caught people staring at Grayson and me more than once, which was pretty routine these days. But right now, with tears lining my lashes, I didn't want to be stared at.

So I closed my eyes and let it all fade away.

****

A few hours later, I woke to Grayson's gentle nudge and the realization that we had already landed. Grayson slipped into the aisle first, grabbing our bags and toting it all out of the plane, so I didn't have to lift a single finger.