Under Control

Ch 32: Two Weeks

Azrael pov:

Why does being with you hurt? Has it always hurt this bad? Did I ever notice before it was too late?

Her body moved on top of me, clinging to my shoulders for dear life, her hips thrusting as fast as she could. Josie used me as her plaything just like before, the difference now is that I didn't stop her.

What's the point? I'm sure I'll have to do it eventually anyways, might as well let it happen. Life was unfair in that way, especially when the only way I could perform is thinking about Amilia. I would bury my face away and shut my eyes tight, hoping to bring her some sort of pleasure.

Titling my head back she looked me in my eyes, lust filled green ones staring into my soul. She kissed me deeply, moaning when I held her hips still for a moment.

"Say it." She whispered against my lips, scratching at the nape of my neck. I moved my gaze away from hers.

"It won't mean anything." I mumbled, too ashamed to look at her.

"Just say it." She grunted, moving her hips again.

"I love you." Smiling at me she continued her movements with vigor. I didn't get any pleasure from this, it was closer to a chore than anything.

"Az... oh god." She shivered as her body arched into me, shaking lightly. Holding her close I let her ride it out, too disgusted with myself to care.

When she relaxed I pushed her off to the side and let her lay down. Her fingers trailed along my skin, she frowned when I stood from the bed.

"Don't you want help?" Rolling onto her stomach she grabbed my hand and stopped me.

"No, I'm good. I'll be in the gym." Moving to my closet I slipped on some compression shorts and regular shorts. Fitting a sports bra to me I exited the room and headed for my gym.

Plugging in my headphones I listened to heavy music as I warmed up with a run. I let my frustration out in my movements, pushing myself as I sped it up. The music blared as I kept pace, sweating within the first 20 minutes of it.

I moved to weights, lifting as much as my body could take. Squatting, deadlifts, curls, shoulder presses, just about anything I could do, I did. By this point I was covered in sweat, huffing for air but I wasn't ready to call it quits.

Strapping some gloves on I let my anger out with every punch to the punching bag. I could feel my knuckles bruising underneath the small padding. I was punching harder than I should, each hit coming with an equally loud grunt.

I finished when the gloves split. Hissing in pain, I take them off and toss them across the room, wiping sweat from my brow with the back of my hand. I left the gym, not caring if it's a mess, it would be handled come morning.

Going to a bathroom on the main floor I quickly shower and let the cold water freeze my skin. Cleaned up and done I dress up and head for my kitchen. Getting a cup down and pouring a hefty glass of scotch I let myself enjoy the drink.

Soon I was four drinks in and sloshed. Sitting on the couch I kept the bottle nearby and made sure to drown my sorrows away. I toyed with the pendant on my neck, opening it to see her picture inside. I laughed at myself, how could I be so foolish.

Now I'm stuck in a relationship I never wanted to be in again, with a woman I can't love, in a life I wish I didn't have. I wanted to cry but couldn't, I had nothing left, no matter how hard I tried. I wanted so much but couldn't have any of it.