Hunter Unknown

Deserted Birthday

I quickly began to regret telling Dean of all my secrets and demons which haunt me. He has enough going on, but it doesn't seem like he minds. He isn't worried about his own increasing problem. Sam and Dean had said that we would help Cas find his grace, but as the time to do so approached they quickly shoved me away, telling me not to get involved in their personal battles.
My feelings weren't hurt, but my curiosity ignited when they had started taking on solo hunts a while back. They'd say they were going to 'check things out' or 'look into a lead' then take off leaving me in a hellish nightmare. I'm surprised they had trusted me enough, but then again they knew they had me in the palm of their hands.
Recently, things have gotten a bit weirder though. I started to notice something strange between the brothers. One night after Dean had gone to his room for the night, I saw Sam grab his laptop and phone after checking that Dean's door was shut. Sam went into the dining area of the bunker and started talking in a whispered tone to someone over the phone. I quickly went to my room before I overheard or saw something that would scar me for life. I knew it wasn't some phone sex hotline, after he kept up the distant behavior.
Dean too was acting stranger than usual, but we all knew it had to do with what he was hiding under his shirtsleeve. This is why I hadn't told Sam what I had just shared with Dean. Sam began going out to 'get some food' which wouldn't be that weird except my psychic senses were tingling and he would decline both mine and Dean's offers to go with him.
I finally dragged myself from bed and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. After reopening many emotional wounds last night, I had hoped today we could find a new hunt. I just wanted to take my mind off of everything except maybe "ganking" a few vamps. If there is one thing Dean and I agree on it, it's that killing some monsters is the best therapy, or at least we say that so we don't have to actually face our problems but still.
As I tied my hair back, I walked toward the kitchen. I began making a strong cup of coffee to combat the pounding in my brain. Having broken my usual routine of sleep aids and alcohol, my body was not happy with me. Although I had gotten the best sleep in a long time thanks to Dean, I felt like I had been hit by a train. my muscles felt rigid and my mind was having trouble staying on one point of focus. I knew it would be dangerous for me to go on a hunt like this, but the addict in me was great at denial.
I took my cup of coffee and found the boys sitting at a table in the library. Sam was buried in a pile of papers, books, and of course his laptop. Dean, on the other hand, could not have looked more blaze. He sat on the other side of the table catty corner to Sam. As I entered the room, Dean looked up from the single book he had been casually flipping through. We met each other's eyes, having a brief unspoken conversation.
Are you okay?
Yeah I'm fine, thanks for well you know, everything.
No problem. Don't worry I haven't told Sam.
Glad you can keep a secret.
No, Dean and I don't have telepathy, but once you know someone well enough then you might as well have it. maybe that's not exactly what he was thinking, but it was the jist of our silent words.
I sat my cup down two chairs from Sam, but he barely even flinched.
"Whatchya workin' on?" I had started to speak like a real midwesterner at this point in my relationship with them.
"Oh um nothing just looking in to somethings for Dean and I." he dryly told me then threw in a fake smile. this was Sam's way of telling me to politely piss off.
Maybe I was a bit too touchy, but I got up and walked to the couch. I was getting really sick of all the shadiness going on with those two. Over the course of it all so far, I have been able to pick up a few things. I know I shouldn't have, but sometimes you accidentally eavesdrop and find out things you aren't supposed to. Right now all I know are a few words scrawled in my journal; Cas, Metatron, something about a witch, Crowley, and someone named Charlie. Now I know about Cas, their angel friend, but from what I've gathered there's something going on with him, possibly the whole grace situation. I had to look up what Metatron meant, apparently he's a scribe of God. a real big shot angel, but I don't know much else. The way Sam and Dean say his name makes me think he's not a very good angel. As for the witch, I'm lost on that one. Unless they are hunting her down, I'm not sure why they would be involved with a witch. I admire witches somewhat, but they are rarely beneficial to mankind. Most witches are self serving, backstabbing, psychopaths who will curse you in a heartbeat. Charlie, I have even less of an idea of who that is. Charlie could be an old Hunter friend of John's, but I would probably know of him if that was the case.
My thoughts were interrupted by Dean.
"How are you doing?" He asked, looking over his shoulder to make sure Sam wasn't paying any attention.
"I'm fine. I just want to kill something." I told him with a dull smile.
"I know what you mean." Dean sat down beside me, for a second we sat there in silence pretending we hadn't shared a "chic flick moment" last night or this morning.
"So Sam and I are going on a hunt." Dean rubbed the back of his head as he told me without looking at me. Anger built up inside me boiling up and coming out of my face, which felt red and hot like someone had just slapped me.
"Are you kidding me? For how long? After what I just told you, you're going to leave me in this fucking place ALONE!"
"Look I know it's not ideal, but you'll be fine. You can call us if you need anything and we'll be back in a week max." Dean was now facing me.
"A week?! You and I both know what's going to happen, it won't be fine, don't tell me I'll be fine. I don't know why you and Sam don't just let me help you. So what if something happens to me, it would be my fault if it did. I know the risks better than anyone else. I'm a hunter, Dean just like you, and hunters die everyday, but that's not your fault, or Sam's! The whole reason for my being here in the first place is to help you and Sam hunt. At least fill me in on what's going on and let me do some research for you guys. Sam is killing himself with all of this research or whatever he's doing."
"Look I know you're a hunter, and a damn good one, but Sam and I can't let you in on this one, not this time. If you don't want to be here alone Cas or Charlie could stay with you, but this is the safest place for you."
"I'm more of a danger to myself than anything out there that you guys are fighting. I want to help you and Sam. If it's the mark I can help you figure out a cure. I don't need a babysitter I just need something to do, I don't want to be useless."
"You aren't useless, you've been a huge help especially for Sam. We need you here, just sit this one out and I promise we will fill you in when this is over."
"Are you ready to go?" I heard Sam ask Dean from behind us. When I turned to look he was standing on the steps with his laptop tucked under his right arm and a backpack over his left shoulder.
"Yeah let me grab my stuff." Dean answered pushing himself from the couch. When Dean was down the hallway, I looked at Sam. I stood with my arms crossed and glared at him, no I'm not above being childish.
"If you're going to go without me at least try not to get yourselves killed."
Sam smiled,"We should be fine. We're just helping out an old friend." he assured me.
"Fine but you owe me. I choose the next hunt and I'll figure something else out too." I couldn't stay mad at Sam and especially since I was sort of shielding him from things too. Sam walked out to the garage, but not before giving me a quick hug which I didn't know how to accept. Hugs aren't something I'm accustomed to. I stood inside the doorway watching Sam make his way to the impala when Dean emerged from his room with duffle bag slung across his back and keys in hand. He stopped in front of me and turned to face me,"Don't do anything stupid."
"I don't make it a habit to act like you, Dean." I retorted.
"Funny. I'm serious, stay here. Call if you need anything."
I didn't say anything, just threw him a playful salute. Truthfully, Dean looked hesitant to leave. he searched my face for a second as though he didn't trust me, then looked down at his keys and back up before turning and walking to the car. Sam on the other hand, had seemed giddy, absolutely thrilled to get going. I closed the door as soon as the engine turned over, not waiting to watch them drive away and taking the warmth with them.

I hope they find what they're looking for and hurry the hell back.