Hunter Unknown

The Angel, The Liar

I held onto Dean as he coughed a few more times probably splattering my shirt with his blood. A strange part of me was enjoying this moment despite its hellishness. Across the room, Sam finally opened his eyes.
"Is he okay?"

"I think so." I told him quietly, glancing down at Dean.
Although his head was still resting against my neck and shoulder, his eyes moved up to look at me as he brought one arm in between us. I knew he wanted to try to get up, but still wasn't ready to say anything. Sam began to stand and brush himself off. I started getting up from the floor, hauling Dean up with me. He had leaned away from me but was allowing me to still support him. With the back of his left hand, he wiped blood from his stained lips. Looking at my shirt then up at me, I knew Dean was slightly embarrassed of the whole situation, but also for the blood that he had left on me. Each of us shaken in our own way, we began our descent from the building.
It was darker now making the walk to our cars slightly more complicated. The sidestreets we used to get back weren't well lit. Dean and I stumbled along together, as Sam continued to take heavy breaths. Sam was definitely feeling the effects of being choked to near unconsciousness. Dean took the keys from his pocket and handed them to Sam; it was times like this that I wished we could all ride together because neither one of them were in the best shape to drive for nine hours. I helped Dean to the passenger's seat and closed the door once he got himself in.
"Be careful." I muttered to Sam before getting into my own car.

I didn't remember driving the nine hours back to the bunker, but somehow I had managed to be reaching for my key to cut the engine. I felt oddly out of control and foggy, like I was in a dream. As I walked down the hallway from the garage it hit me; fucking hell! My emotions flung me back out of the fog and into the harsh reality: Crowley knows who I am, he's seen my face, he knows I'm working with them. This wasn't supposed to fucking happen!!!
"Fuck!" I said out loud this time as I marched passed our rooms. Lo and behold the angel, Castiel, was back. Sam was grilling him on why Crowley and his demons would be opening a portal because apparently Sam thought it was more than a trap for him and Dean. Dean began explaining what happened, but he was more concerned with talking about me as though he wasn't aware of my approaching.
"I'm telling you, Cas, she provoked him then I don't know it sounded like you- like your real voice. Windows shattered, Crowley left an it was over; your telling me that wasn't you-you weren't there somehow? You didn't I don't know-possess her or something?"
"You know angels can't possess someone unless they have permission." He said yet I could see he was being vague.
"Damn it. We should never have asked for her help in the first place, now we have Crowley on our asses.". Dean directed the conversation to Sam.
"Dean, it's not like she hasn't been useful. She vanquished all of those demons. If it wasn't for her we wouldn't even have known what was going on."
"That's another thing, Cas. She's like psychic or something." He said shaking his head and opening a beer as he leaned back in his chair.
Cas looked up making direct contact with me as I stood in the library watching them in the war room. I let out a snort, clearly unhappy although not telling them that for some reason Dean's words broke something inside me. Perhaps I had let myself get too comfortable here.
"So what is this the gossip table? Just sitting here shitting on me like I have any clue what happened back there?! I don't know what the hell is going on, b I do know that Crowley is after me now! You think I don't realize how serious this is? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about 'angel voice' all I did was tell him to stop, I guess he decided it wasn't worth it." I spoke louder than usual.
Sam looked concerned, and I hated it, I wanted to punch the stupid look off of his face. My veins felt like fire was running through them when he said "You don't? You didn't hear that?"
"Are you deaf no, I said I don't know what you're talking about. And you-" I said gesturing to Castiel "-I thought you were here to help, but I guess flitting off when someone needs you is kinda your thing right?"
Hanging his head in shame Castiel began to speak in a voice I wish hadn't sounded so familiar in my ears. "I think you should sit down. I-I have some things I should probably explain. I-I do know- I know what is happening-with you." He said slowly and slightly pained. My body disappeared from me, I couldn't feel anything as I complied.
"I came here because I was looking for you, Illiana. I thought maybe- Sam and Dean could help. When I saw you-I didn't want to have to tell you-the truth." He didn't make eye contact with me.
"What do you mean?" A distant voice I knew had to be my own asked.
"How do I say this?" He muttered to himself then continued. "You are special. You're different." His speech was often broken by long pauses. "When I found you-I didn't answer your prayers exactly. I was told to find you-you were-God told me to find you-but then He-after I did I didn't know what else to do to - with you. He left."
"Spit it out, Cas." Dean spoke. Castiel took a breath then started again.
"When you thought you were prayer you were broadcasting a distress single on angle radio. Angels began to pick up on it causing a slight frenzy, you could say."
"I don't understand." I commented, but he continued.
"I wasn't sure why God told me to find you- I thought you were perhaps a fellow angel in need. When I found you though-I knew you were different. I watched you for a while- studied you."
"Kinda pedo-ish don't you think, Cas?" Dean commented earning a glare from, Castiel.
Once again he continued,"Eventually I knew-that you weren't human-at least not fully."
"What? What the hell am I, Castiel?"
"You are what is called tenebris angelus. Which translates to Dark Angel."
"Hah, like the 2000 sci-fi series?" Dean asked somehow finding humor in this devastating moment.
"What does that mean, Castiel?! I'm a fucking monster!?"
"There have only ever been two others. They are the product of a-uh- an unholy alliance between a type of demon and a type of angel, usually a fallen one, who each are in possession of a human vessel."
This sent my mind reeling. "So let me get this straight, not only is this life a lie, but also the one I was trying to escape? That's just fucking wonderful, and you knew-you fucking knew all along!".
Castiel ignored my outburst, "at first I thought you were a Nephilim, which of course are similar minus the demon aspect." There was a pause as he shifted his thoughts,"Your mother was possessed by a demon and well, you get the rest. Tenebris angelus are-they are seen as an abomination both by angels and demons. They possess the powers to kill any being, including angels and demons. Those few in heaven who are aware of the possibility of such a being, see them as a mockery of heaven and a symbol of abhorrent rebellion. The few that have existed have been eradicated. Heaven despises them and hell fears your kind. You are in a unique position. Unfortunately that has some complex consequences, although it is possible that you would have inherited certain abilities."
"Am I immortal? What consequences? You killed her when you should have killed me! All along I was the real monster." I lamented before Castiel started again.
"From what I've gathered, if you die-which you can, however, it's slightly more difficult- whatever sort of 'soul' you may have can go to neither heaven or hell."
"So what-that means what?" I asked.
"If you die you will go to purgatory. Your 'essence' seems to be incredibly strong. From what I've seen usually the abilities would be dull-moreso than a low level demon or angel- and eventually they would begin to specialize."
"Specialize?" Sam finally spoke, leaning forward in interest.
"Yes, it seems these beings-like you- would not remain in balance. Typically the presence of one would over take the other. Either you would be forced on the side of hell or heaven."
"But you said neither want me-or people-things like me."
"They don't. Heaven and hell would ultimately be the same fate-eternal torture as punishment to the traitors who allowed you to be created. Hell would make you an example. However, heaven would not trust the knowledge of a being like you to be known so you would likely end back in purgatory."
"I don't get it. How? What angel would want to piss off heaven and hell simultaneously, and what demon would be dumb enough to risk hell's demise if I'm capable of destroying anything?"
"That I do not know. You should know your mother, she was broken since the demon used her. She was better off dead, she wanted it. She saw you as a constant reminder of her torture, of her possession. What she didn't realize was without you she would still have been possessed."
"What do you mean?"
"Whatever mixture of grace and darkness you have in you - your essence - was too strong for the demon to also remain inside your mother."
"Why didn't you just kill me, I'm a monster?"
"I was not told to- you were just a child- it wouldn't have fixed her anyway. It's not your fault."
"I'm a threat to you, to heaven, to hell!"
"You never showed any sign of turning either way. Now you are experiencing stronger abilities?" He questioned.
"Does it really matter?! Does it? It was a mistake for you to allow me to live, just like it was a mistake for them to bring me here, right Dean? It doesn't matter now! Nothing matters, Crowley already knows I exist and it won't belong until he figures all of this out! I'm a disgusting monster either way so it doesn't even matter! Years of work hiding myself from the world and all of this shit and for what? Now it's all shot to shit anyway-all that work-all the cleaning up-all of the hiding my tracks and now the damn King of Hell knows I'm out there!" Now I was standing, yelling at no one in particular.
The fire in my veins felt like lava. I wanted to break everything including the bones in my hands. I went to my room slamming the door so hard I expected it to splinter and crack. I ran to the book shelf tipping it over and giving it a swift kick. I took the desk chair and threw it across the room, smashing it into long splintered pieces against the closet doors. I ripped open the sewn chair cushion exposing stuffing and the backpack. Then I went into the bathroom staring at the face I had thought I knew. I thought I knew my dad story so well, but I kept it close to me and it wasn't even true. I deserved it all, monsters don't deserve much better. I smashed the mirrored face staring back at me loving the sight of my own monstrous blood dripping from my freshly opened knuckles into the white porcelain of the sink. My hands fumbled through the drawers under the sink and came across a large pair of scissors. I brought the shiny metal up next to my face and began cutting. Locks of black curls fell around my feet and I grinned darkly at the monster in the now broken mirror. Satisfied, but not done with my destruction I ran my clean hand through the short waves that were left. I grabbed a leather jacket with that had a fleece hood and put it on then stomped to the garage. I left a scratchy note, written on paper that had smudges of blood from my hand, on the windshield of Dean's car in case they decided to come after me.

It read: Need some air. Going for a drive, don't bother looking for me. I'll be back, unfortunately for you both.
Desdemona