We Happened

11. Dilema

Third person POV:
 
 
 
Taehyung was not in mental peace. It was the next day morning, the same nausea hitting him like truck. Today he got up silently and didn't go to their washroom, in case Jeongguk wakes up. So Taehyung went into the washroom downstairs, adjacent to guest room. The vomiting, the retching isn't feeling as bad as his heart is feeling. Taehyung never knew he'll cherish this moments of sickness someday. Today he isn't feeling disgusted by the bitter test on tongue, rather the feeling that these things won't stay long. And he can't do nothing about it. As a mother, heart will cry ,but tae chose to tie a stone on his heart.
 
    
 
Jeongguk didn't wake up,and here Taehyung hadn't sleep in eyes. He rather decided to pass the rest of existing night in children's room, hugging his babies tight against his heart."Hyunie, mommy loves you baby. Forgive me. Never hate me please", Taehyung cried. He's such a cruel person, so cruel. To keep balance with his two kids, he's denying live to his third. But will you believe, if Taehyung says he loves the little fetus equally? It sounds fake, right? Only Taehyung's heart knows he isn't lying to himself, he loves the being so much already.
    
   
    
The whole night Taehyung didn't sleep.  He contemplated again and again. He was this near to shake Jeongguk awake and tell the news. But he restrained himself. He again contemplates what if he keeps the child. It might be a girl again, Jeongguk absolutely wants girl baby. Taehyung might make his husband the happiest with the news. Then again glimpse of daily deeds, made him decide the other way. And to lay in Jeongguk's chest, and keeping this big secret from him was so agonizing.
    
      
      
Taehyung was going into madness with these thoughts. He chose to talk with the only person that knows his situation and won't probably judge him. Taehyung placed Hyun-woo back in his crib and grabbed his phone.
   
        
 
Taehyung:
Hyung, me again. I don't know why I'm texting you this late, sorry
 
 
 
Taehyung was desperate for someone to share his agony with. His heart racing, breath palpitations - maybe blood pressure going higher than usual.
 
 
 
Bogum:
Taehyung, why aren't you sleeping at this hour?
 
 
Taehyung:
I feel so torn between my decision. Hyung, help me
 
 
Bogum:
You're taking a very big decision by yourself, that's why you're feeling this way, tae. Take rest. You'll feel better
 
 
Taehyung:
I can't hyungie. My husband....he is laying beside me but I can't tell him. Am I betraying him?
 
 
Bogum:
To tell the truth, you're betraying him to some extent. It's your body, I know it's your decision. But the baby is equally his as it's yours .
 
 
Taehyung:
We aren't fit to have another kid now. I barely can manage this two.
 
 
Bogum:
I know. It's hard to have two toddlers,then one infant coming. But your husband may have some different opinions?
 
 
Taehyung:
I need to think more, right hyung? But I can't tell him
 
 
Bogum:
You definitely need to. Hey, tae. The sun is rising. Why don't you go out and see the calmness? You'll feel good
 

Taehyung:
Thank you hyungie for listening to me.
 
 
Bogum:
Never mention. You should text me whenever you feel like. Don't hesitate.
 
 
Taehyung:
You don't judge me ever, please hyung.
 
      
    
Taehyung kept his phone aside to really see the sun. He so carefully opened the balcony door of kids' room. Then came out to see the reddish sky. It's calm, peaceful. Some birds leaving their nest for the day, to acquire food. A metaphor of Jeongguk! Taehyung feels chilly. Again, the thought of his family circulates around his mind. He definitely is betraying Jeongguk. He definitely is. Taehyung sighed. How in a day his life dynamics changed. Yesterday night he went to sleep with only thought of what he'll cook the next morning for children. Look at him today!
 
 
 
A gentle wind blowing reminded Taehyung again that he needs Jeongguk. Right now beside him. He feels extremely emotional to handle himself. So he again closed the balcony door behind him, locked it so that little ones can't open. Then he rushed for their bedroom.
 
 
 
Jeongguk is sleeping yet. Taehyung crashed on his husband's chest, unable to bear the weight of his emotions. Hugging Jeongguk's torso, Taehyung kept nuzzling his head on Jeongguk's chest.
 
 
 
Taehyung: Jeongguk?