sincerely, amity

change

Luz hung up the phone with Willow as she wiped the tears off her cheeks. She had read her letter to Luz, and needless to say, they were both sobbing by the end of it.

Luz stared at the book in front of her. She didn't know whether she wanted to read on or not, but she knew Amity wanted her to deliver those letters. Besides, she still had 10 minutes before she had to leave for school.

June 30th

I told my friends that I was dying. It was a mistake. I don't want them to worry, just as much as I don't want to die.

Willow, Gus, Hunter, and Luz all came to visit me today. Luz stayed the longest. She stayed next to me, holding my hand in silence. It was nice, if I'm going to die, I want to die holding her hand. I wouldn't put that on her, though.

I don't like it when people cry, especially when they're crying over me. I can't help that I'm dying, neither can they, nor their tears. Why do I have to die now? I can't help but feel guilty all the time, I'm going to leave everyone. That sounds so incredibly selfish of me. I'm going to leave everyone. Maybe they're going to leave me.

I always wondered how I would die, I never thought it would be like this. Maybe I don't have to die like this, I'll get better, I always do.

Sincerely, Amity

July 3rd

The days get longer. The pain does too. My feeding tube is infected, I'm having surgery to get it replaced tomorrow morning. It feels like there's icicles of fire stabbing into my ribs. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, it hurts to cry. I don't know what's going to kill me first, the disease or my broken heart.

The pain killers don't help anymore. Ed and Em have been taking care of me, since they know mom won't. Dad just stares through the window, he doesn't ever come in.

I'm not contagious. People shouldn't be scared of interacting with me. Maybe they're not afraid of my disease, maybe they're afraid of me.

Sincerely, Amity

Luz checked her phone, seeing that she now had 5 minutes to be out the door, she sighed and placed the book on her nightstand. She grabbed her bag and headed out the door to school.

This morning she didn't try to avoid Amity's locker. She looked at it. Straight at it, and she felt nothing. No sadness, no happiness, just.. emptiness.

She blinked a few times before turning away. She was afraid that if she stood there any longer she might've vomited her heart out onto the floor, and she figured the janitor wouldn't have been too fond of cleaning that up.

She reached her locker, it wasn't but a few feet away from Amity's, but for some reason the walk felt like miles. She turned the lock and exchanged books as usual. She slowly shut the door, and without her hand leaving the metal, she rested her head against it. Titan, it hurt. She would do anything to have her world back.

School was over just as soon as it started. She was just about to leave the building, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, how are you?"

She turned around, meeting Gus face-to-face.

"I'm alright. Better. How are you?" She smiled, adjusting the strap of her backpack.

"About the same. I saw you looking at Amity's locker this morning, I was worried," He explained.

"Oh, actually," She hesitated, her eyes darting around the building to avoid his. "I.. don't know. It hurts. Of course it does. I just wish it didn't,"

Gus furrowed his eyebrows in sympathy.

"I get it. I can't imagine how it must be for you," He said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze before walking off behind her. "Take care of yourself, Luz,"

She smiled. Her and Gus hadn't spoken since Amity was diagnosed. Luz didn't really talk to anyone.

She trudged down the front staircase, quickly making her way home. As she walked through town, she found herself taking a different path. She walked opposite of the owl house, and she didn't know why, it just felt right. She walked right to the cemetery where Amity was buried.

She knew where her grave was. It was embedded into her brain. The closer she got, the slower her pace became. The dirt smell hit her nose again, the heartache stabbed her. It felt like they were burying her all over again. She slowly took a seat in front of her gravestone.

She stared in silence at her name engraved in the stone.

Amity Blight

Luz brought her finger up the the carving, tracing the letters.

A beloved daughter, sister, and friend.

"And an awesome girlfriend," Luz whispered, her voice trembling.

Her trembling voice turned into sobs, and tears began to overflow.She tried to wipe her eyes, but the tears kept coming. She brought her knees to her chest, hugging them tightly. She thought it was getting better, but she missed Amity so goddamn much.

She continued to sob, her lungs felt like they were going to combust. Her throat swelled, her eyes burned, her cheeks ached. She choked on tears, she didn't hold back. She missed her girlfriend.

The sun began to set, but Luz stayed sitting at Amity's grave. She talked to her as if she were still alive. She told her all about her grades, how Willow and Gus were, and occasionally just some stupid nonsense. She promised to come back and tell her all about her new life, every day she could.

"I love you, Amity, and I miss you more than I could ever express,"