Operation Mackerel: 10 Ways to Make Dazai Osamu Jealous

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 1.1: Ignore him and be sweet to other customers.

Chuuya woke up with the most vicious and head wrecking realization that he has ever had. Bathing longer than usual is not enough to get rid of the gruesome thought and he doesn't know why the fuck is he even thinking of such a thing early in the morning. He even brushed his teeth twice and slapped himself thrice. After doing his usual routine, he checks his face in front of the mirror and his eyes widened in horror as he sees his cheeks flushing red with the realization that haunts him since he wakes up.

He thinks he loves that shitty epitome of a fish—

Is it a start of world domination? Alien invasion? Extreme global warming and climate change? Rise of over corrupt government officials? Chuuya didn't know, but his mind was preoccupied with the smiling face of Dazai since he opened his eyes. He dreamt of that bandaged bastard, too. In that dream, they are partners in some kind of weird mafia organization but Dazai leaves him, though they eventually get m-m-m-married but still It's all creepy! Gross!

So gross that his heart won't stop beating so fast.

Did that shitty Dazai poison my wines? Curse my hat? Made me drink a freaking fishy love potion? Why the hell am I feeling this way?

And so Chuuya arrived into the conclusion that he had already fell hard, so hard that he's so whipped and fucked right now.

Indeed, he's damned since there's no way that Mackerel loves him back. No way. It's impossible. It's too impossible that Chuuya can feel his stomach twisting in bitterness. Is this what love feels like? Damn, it's so weird and inconvenient. Fuck Dazai for making him feel this way. Fuck his ugly smile that makes him feel giddy, fuck his ugly soft hair that Chuuya's been dreaming to caress, fuck his ugly deep brown eyes that captivates Chuuya helpless, fuck his ugly voice that echoes in every second of Chuuya's simp life, and most importantly, fuck Dazai as a whole.

Not that he want to take that literally but that's an another case—

And like any other romance stories, of course he has his own best friends that will give him terrifying advice that can mess the already messed up situation more. That being said...

"You're telling me that you woke up feeling in love and now you hate the feeling of being in love because you don't know if he loves you back, so you're being out of character right now and whining about the man you're supposed to be hating?" Lucy, one of Chuuya's best friends, asked again in clarification, and Chuuya (still blushing furiously since he's turning into a simp) nodded slightly.

"Yeah."

Right now, he's in his owned coffee shop with his friends Lucy and Higuchi. At least, the both of them are too early in the shop right now and since there are no customers yet, they're all talking about Chuuya's hopeless love life at the moment. Not that Chuuya started the conversation though. The two women saw him entering the shop spacing out earlier, cheeks still flaming red. Because they're such good friends, they pulled Chuuya into one of the counter's corners, imprisoning him for the interrogation, until Chuuya eventually told his besties about the unfortunate events happening in his life.