Broken Promises

Epilogue

TW: eating disorders

Love is a simple word that holds so many feelings, thoughts, emotions, and actions. It is the most confusing feeling there can be. However, it's one of the most exhilarating rides a person can go on. It's like the feeling you get before, during, and after you bungee jump off of a high building. You feel out of breath; your heart rate picks up at incredible speeds, and it feels like you can never catch your breath.

I think people confuse 'love' with adoration, or affection. Love is a combination of adoration, affection, wanting, and needing. When you love someone, it's like time just stops when you're with each other. Even if you got to spend forever with the person you love, it simply would not be enough. It's where every breath you take is about them. Everything you do is about them. Even thinking about not being by their side, or them not loving you back, makes you just stop breathing.

People say I'm whipped. But you just kind of know who is the one. Loving her is the best thing that I could ever do. I just want her to be happy. I want her to know that I'll always be here for her now. I will never leave her, no matter how hard or complicated things get. Leaving her like that was a mistake that I will never make again.

I'm giving 100% of my love, commitment, trust, and well.. myself to her.

In the past six years of being together, I knew that right away that I want to wake up beside her every morning. I want to be able to call her 'Mrs. Payne." I want to be able to laugh with her over the silly things that our children do while playing. But most of all, I knew I wanted to grow old with her; to be able to have children, grandchildren, and great- grandchildren that we can look at each other proudly, and say 'We did this.'

But, in the past six years, we have come across many problems with fans and media.

Almost losing her was the worst day of my life. Can you imagine losing the love of your life? Losing the source to your happiness? You can't imagine what kind of situation I was in. I was lost, but I knew that I had to stay strong for the both of us.

*May 3, 2013- about 9 months into their relationship.*

It has been harder for me to go on Twitter now. I actually hate it. 'Fans' have been sending hate. So much hate. Emerson acts like it doesn't hurt her. She always says, '"Liam, don't worry about it! They're just immature teenagers saying mean things behind a screen. They're just jealous that I have the most perfect boyfriend in the world."'

She always says that. But I hear her crying in the bathroom after she says that. I always ask her about it and she says, '"Oh, it's nothing. I wasn't crying. Why did you think I was crying?"'

Emerson has always been insecure about herself. I know of her past with her eating disorder and body image issues. Those demons have not left her.

If only she knew how beautiful she actually was! She doesn't understand that I love her no matter what. In my eyes, she is perfect. I'm the one who doesn't deserve her. I left and forgot about her for five years. But yet she forgave me eventually and accepted me. Not many people can do that.

I do everything I can to stop the hate.

Recently Emerson hasn't been eating. She says that she's not hungry, or she ate at Layla's place, and she'll always be at the gym. Or I come home from work, and she's doing wall sits, or jumping jacks. She can never sit still, she always has to be exercising.

She's been getting smaller and smaller. Emerson always seems tired, and cold. She's constantly bundled tight.

There have even been times where she's passed out from exhaustion.