Azur Lane - The next one who nukes the mainland, gets cleaning duty!

Fleets results

spiritual successor to "The next one who attempts to marry me, gets detention." Will try not to destroy humanity in the process this time (no promises!).

Rating: Playfully testing the limits of what "rated T" means.

Disclaimer: Absolute crack. Dark humour is imminent. May contain themes about suicide/sexuality/abuse/Religion/the holocaust etc. in an offensively flippant happy-go-lucky style. If you don't think that kinda stuff can be funny, I would recommend closing this page.

Pairings: not on purpose, though comedy finds a way.

Final note: Feel free to add items on the lists and make your own rules as they go along. They're made vague on purpose to be expanded upon.

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Commander,

Thank you for your patience in allowing the inspection team to conduct a long term examination on your naval base regarding the compliance of your subordinates with international military laws, rules and guidelines.

I have just received the final results of this examination. I would send you a report, but I think you already know what it's going to say, so I'll just keep this short.

With that said—

—How in the name of the lord is your fleet still operating?

Don't misunderstand, the mental workings of the shipgirls and their unusual habits have been known to us for a long time. A single warcrime here and there is a habitual occurrence for a fleet of your size; nothing to be overly concerned about.

Yet here I receive word that your fleet has been dealing with maids wearing chained chokers, Loli-con aircraft carriers, and an incestual Portland-class heavy cruiser...

Is it really true that your fleet has a Nazi aircraft carrier that started a cult to doom and destroy the earth?

Or a Sakura scientist cat that is cloning all Kansen within the fleet as child-versions of themselves, before forcing you to pay for them if you wish to place them outside of her custody?

I am thoroughly impressed that you have managed to bring in all of your successes to our war effort while living in these circumstances.

You have my respect, as well as my condolences.

As to your request to gain total control over the rules and guidelines within your fleet, you have my official permission. You may now distance your fleet from the standard international Navy laws and guidelines, and create your own laws within the fleet itself. These newly created laws may be in effect as soon as it is set in writing. Hopefully, this should help you to combat the... shambolic nature of your Kansen fleet.

Your own words may literally be law now, but keep it civil.  A few new rules here and there for the lot to adhere to and keep them in check should do it. No need to make it a weekly thing. As far as I've heard, you're still quite popular amongst the members of your fleet, so it'd do you well to keep some things unofficial for a while, before immediately resorting to chaining down your subordinates with unpassable laws.

I'm sure you will have the utmost of responsibility with this newfound power.

What could go wrong?

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavours to the improve your fleet's adequacy.

With kind regards,

The Fleet Admiral of Azur Lane.