Azur Lane - The next one who nukes the mainland, gets cleaning duty!

Week 5

27. Sometimes, people just don't work well together. Accept that you cannot befriend literally everyone in the fleet, and stop trying to turn my naval base into a Christian children's show.
A. Javelin, this is not a challenge. Stop harassing everyone. I have twenty-six new restrain orders for you sitting on my desk right now.
A1. I'm sorry, I truly am, but I don't see Ägir accepting your invites to a pyjama party anytime soon. You two together is just not going to work out...
A2. Ägir has asked me to mention here, word for word, that if she notices you stalking her around the base one more time, "I'll use my rigging's serpents to go so far up your stern, you can taste their metal on your lips."
A3. If you don't know what those words are implying, then you must not have a very effective imagination...
B. I think Taihō is still pretty traumatized of you, Albacore. Just stay clear of her.
B1. Tackling her in the middle of the street and yelling 'Hey Taihō, wanna see what my new torpedoes can do?!' is indeed funny, but still punishable.
B2. I have heard from my secretary that you've recently purchased a costume that looks an oddly lot like a torpedo. Weren't you in crippling debt?
C. To every one of the Royal navy, there is now a mandated height requirement for speaking with Ark Royal.
C1. I'd prefer it if she didn't make contact with anyone at all, but as long as the Federal Bureau's investigation is still ongoing, I cannot legally imprison her.

28. Do NOT lie about your rank to newer units. Ever. You will get demoted to janitorial staff for this.
A. Despite many Union shipgirls claiming the contrary, Enterprise is not the 'Commander female version.' She just wears a hat.
B. Queen Elizabeth may not countermand my orders, no matter how many times she writes down that she can inside the Royal Navy's guidebook.
C. Akagi is not a member of upper command. She cannot demote shipgirls outside of her own faction, even if they 'get too close' with me.
C1. Less military relevant, but still obnoxious; she also isn't my wife. I am still unmarried. If I wasn't, our fleet would've erupted into a civil war.
C2. Sorry girls, Akagi is the current Sakura empire's flagship. It's best not to question why. The fleet commander still gets nervous when she's around.

29. Members of the Northern parliament are to be reminded that any purchase is grounds for immediate ownership.
A. Azur Lane is still build on capitalism. Nobody is obligated to share anything if they don't want to.
B. Merkuria, You cannot utilize my office as your living room. Get rid off the game console, I'm trying to work.
B1. It's not OUR office, It's MY office.
B2. The next time you chain yourself stuck to my desk, I'll play the entire audiobook for 'animal farm' out loud through the naval base's speaker system.
C. Belorussiya is hereafter forbidden to volunteer for kitchen duty.
C1. Any attempts at integrating a food ration system using coloured stickers will be thwarted by temporary withdrawing Yuudachi's ban from the dining hall.
D. You may, however, try to convince Akashi into following your communist ways. I'll allow it. My wallet would certainly be thankful.

30. Akashi is only allowed to accept special weapons requests when they are sealed with my approval.
A. Akashi is no longer allowed to build any type of cannon with a barrel large enough to fit people inside.
B. Akashi is no longer allowed to build anything capable of reaching beyond the atmosphere into space.
C. Akashi is no longer allowed to build anything involving self-learning A.I.
C1. Especially after the one promising cake to everybody. I've never had so many PTSD reports since.
D. Akashi is no longer allowed to build anything seen on Japanese cartoons.
D1. Apparently that last order is null and void; Everyone keeps insisting that they have a different name.

30. The willingness to improve yourself is admirable and encouraged, but please keep your excitement within the convinces of the training gallery.
A. Trying to improve long ranged capabilities by shooting at livestock farms on the mainland and humming the Angry Birds theme song is discouraged.
A1. This request is not just limited to pig farms.
A2. Referring to human citizens as 'pigs' is not ample enough reason to start volleying cities with cannon fire.
A3. Okay, I can see that everyone will keep on searching for loopholes until I started imprisoning everyone. Forget my earlier orders. Rule of thumb: If they cannot fight back, but are only capable of running away from your shooting, DO NOT CONTINUE.
A4. "Oh, but they won't be able to run away either" is not a valid reason to ignore the new rule. It IS a valid reason to get arrested!
A5. Is there anyone here brave enough to try and arrest Roon, please? Please?!

31. Please let the ministry of defence worry about acquiring new recruits for the navy or the Azur Lane program. There's no need to kidnap people for our cause.
A. Not even if you're sure that "they'll like it."
B. Ark Royal is not allowed to recruit anyone underaged on the premise that they're willing to join the Navy, due to a possible conflict of interests.
C. The following are not sources for new navy soldiers.
—Orphanages
—Retirement homes
—The air force (Very funny...)
—Craigslist
—TV celebrities
—Politicians (No, not even the bad ones)
—Gaming conventions
—The moon
—Guantanamo Bay
—Alcatraz
—Religious buildings of any kind. (I'm serious, Bismarck. Stay the hell away from any synagogue, ever!)
—McDonalds
—YMCA
—Anyone in public wearing a red shirt.
D. It is physically impossible to create balloons that can inflate on their own within 2 seconds and quickly extract human bodies in the sky so we can "convince them to join our cause" later.
D1. Akashi says she's working on it.

32. This should really not have to be said, but any cults, religions or sects revolving around me are prohibited.
A. I am simply called the Commander. Not "Punished Commander."
A1. Or "Big Boss."
B. Getting elected as my secretary does not also earn you the title of 'grand pope' within the commander cult.
C. The leader of the commander's fanclub is to immediately pull back all of the propaganda posters of me saying "I want you" with no clothes on.
C1. The leader of the fanclub may not keep all of the posters within her own personal room for 'recreational purposes'.
C2. I'm serious, Nimi. Burn them.
D. Gambling is prohibited within the naval base. But if you have to do it, please use actual currency to place bets, and not my underwear.
D1. From now on, my closet will be equipped with mouse traps and air horns. The next one who wants steal another batch of underwear is free to try.
D2. No, I still won't give any if you 'just ask nicely.'
D3. Not even if you're suffering from 'underwear-less relapses.' They cannot possibly smell that good. This is both medically and psychologically concerning.
D4. Taihō, get my underwear off of your head!
D5. No, you didn't win it 'fair and square' through poker. you tackled me, ripped my pants apart, and just slid it off of me before fleeing!