July 10
Dear Diary,
I really want to give up. I'm trying to hold on, I really am but I'm so tired. Nothing is going right, everything falls apart and keeps getting worse. It hurts so much. I don't know what to do.
Confusion and pain, physically and emotionally burden me. My heart physically hurts. It feels like it's been held tightly for so long that it could not stay the same shape anymore. Under the firm grip, it's thin wall caved in and gushed out all it's hope and light. My wrists and thighs brand me with what I'm worth. Some people say it's "self-inflicted" but is it really?
No one really understands. They don't know what I've been through but they mock me, pound and poke my stone cold heart.
"Damien", the name that will forever haunt me. His dark stare will forever be engraved in my mind. His lies infatuated me and I was under his spell. I thought I was special but it turns out that I never was. I thought I actually meant something to him, I thought he would change his "bad boy" reputation for me. I guess that's what's wrong with me, I see past all the wrong someone has done. I'm stubborn and I never listen to warnings.
I feel so dumb and worthless. I feel pain and desperation. I just want it to end. That's the only thing I want. Please help me, I'm dying inside.
~Ella
